Brother's Keeper
by Lazra
Summary: Lord of the Rings,Blackhawk Down crossover :: Violence,Language :: Pfc. Todd Blackburn falls out of a chopper and into Middle Earth :: I've done my best to not make this cheesy fandrivel. Hope I succeeded.
1. Look out below!

Brother's Keeper 

**Teensy Disclaimer:** For the purposes of this story, I'm treating Pfc. Todd Blackburn as just another character from a movie and not a real person (which he actually is). I know nothing about the man and doubt I ever will.

Part 1 

* * *

I have learned that the universe is a vast place. Everything is possible - even if it does not seem likely to be possible, no matter how strange, no matter how fanciful, no matter how ludicrous, it is entirely possible for it to be real. 

I must begin with a morning of excitement. Perhaps not for everyone, but I was most certainly excited. I just arrived on the eastern shores of Africa to begin my first tour of duty with the US Army Ranger Corps. I dreamt of service to my country for a long time. I wanted (as cheesy as it sounds) to be all that I could be. I was ushered straight from a 12 hour flight to a waiting helicopter, which would take me to our base of operations. The swift _thumpthumpthump_ of the helicopter blades couldn't match the beating of my own eager heart. 

The vista that stretched before me as I sat on the side of the chopper was no less than spectacular. The ocean waters rose up and down with white foamy crests that seemed to be waving to me in greeting. Then they passed and crashed, as one might fall onto their old comfy couch after a hard day's work, onto the yellow sandy beach. If I looked behind me and out the other door, I could see that same beach stretching endlessly into the horizon, unwilling to give up its sandy shores to grass and shrubbery. 

I wondered what the other soldiers who had come with me were thinking about. Then I decided I didn't care. I was where I wanted to be, and that was all that mattered. 

Upon landing at the base and after reporting in, I practiced my shooting skills, had a meal, spoke with the other men around me - generally killed time while waiting for orders along with everyone else. Eventually the orders came, our mission was explained, and we prepared ourselves for battle. 

Everyone had their own part to play in the mission. Mine was to fly in by chopper, slide down a rope to the ground, and protect the area while the main objective of the mission was accomplished elsewhere. Then we would all leave in humvees and call it a day. 

My excitement and nerves reached higher than I thought possible. Here it was - my first mission. We arrived at our destination in mere moments, and one by one, we grabbed the rope and slid to the ground.

I never made it that far. 

As I leaned out to grab the rope, the chopper lurched beneath me. I fell and missed the rope entirely. Time seemed to slow down to a crawl. Though in hindsight, it only seemed that way because my mind had sped up. I remember seeing my SO's shocked face as he realized what had happened. I remember watching the rope slide by my body. I remember trying to grab it, but my hand wouldn't obey me fast enough. The chopper's blades stirred up great billows of dust and dirt, a beige fog clouding over my vision. My SO, the chopper, the rope - all seemed to fade away into that sandy mist. 

I don't remember the impact of the ground, but I suppose it must have happened. After all when one falls, one does expect to hit the ground eventually. I do remember waking up. The fall seemed like a dream, so I assumed that I was back in my bunk at the base. I tried to look around me, but everything was pitch black. There was no light anywhere, just a deep consuming darkness. I felt very small and very afraid. 

I tried to speak out, but my throat closed in on me. Breathing became difficult. I fumbled in my pockets for my lighter and flicked it open. The little flame didn't provide much illumination, but it was better than nothing. Just being able to see my own hands was a comfort. I sighed - my throat open again. The sound of it echoed outward. Wherever I was, it was a large and open space. 

Standing, I realized I was still in my fatigues. The memory of the fall came back, and I realized it must not have been a dream. I searched around with my little light and found my rifle next to where I had lain. Thoughts began running through my mind. The overwhelming thought was that I had been captured. Something had gone wrong with the mission, and I had fallen, been captured, and thrown into this dark pit of a place. 

Of course this theory was full of holes. Why didn't they kill me? Why did I still have all my gear? Where were my comrades? Why wasn't I more severely injured after a fall like that? I flexed my arms and legs just slightly and wiggled all my fingers and toes. Nothing seemed broken or battered. I had a bit of a headache, but that wasn't severe and didn't worry me any. Even as improbable as it sounded, capture was the only possible explanation I could come up with, and I knew I couldn't stay here. 

I secured my gun in my right hand and cautiously walked forward with my left hand and my little lighter leading the way. Before long I came to a stop and found myself facing a pillar of monumental proportions. Its girth rivaled an oak tree. Its height was hard to determine as the light I had only went up a few feet before waning out. The pillar itself was carved in deep rugged patterns. My eyes were adjusting to the dimness, and I could make out another similar pillar off to either side. Stepping forward, I could see more pillars ahead. Not knowing what else I could do, I continued forward, moving past pillar after pillar. 

Half an hour later, I found myself staring up at a wall. _Well, where there's a wall, there's a gotta be a door,_ I thought to myself, and continued off to the right. I didn't get much further when I heard footsteps. I paused, a little unsure, and closed my lighter. I was plunged into darkness again, but I could see a light in the distance. It came from a doorway in the adjacent wall. As it grew brighter, I clutched my rifle with both hands and hid behind one of the pillars. I'm not sure what I was expecting to see come through the arched doorway [a procession of Somali soldiers would have fit with my theory] but I certainly never expected what came. 

A tall man came first. He was old with a long beard and a pointed had. The light came from the top of a big stick he was carrying; though, I couldn't see the actual light source. Following him were two men. They were younger, in their mid-thirties maybe, and even though one looked a bit fancier than the other, they both dressed like something out of Camelot. After them were the five oddest looking people. At first I thought they were children because they were so small, but the largest of them had a beard with big chunky braids in it. The bearded one also wore a metal helmet and carried a big ax. The other four were also not children. Each of them had a mop of curly hair and bright frightened eyes, but they had adult facial features. Also they wore no shoes, and their feet were exceedingly large and hairy. The last to emerge was a young man with long blonde hair. Like the other two men, he looked he just stepped out of King Arthur's court, but something set him apart from the rest. Sure, I noticed the pointed ears, but that wasn't it. There was a certain keenness in his eyes and grace of movement that caught one's attention, but that wasn't it either. I couldn't put my finger on it. 

After they had all emerged from the doorway, the old man said something. I was too far away to hear it properly. The light on the end of his stick brightened almost painfully. I put my back to the pillar so they couldn't see me, but I could see why the old man had turned up the light. Hundreds, maybe thousands, of those pillars were stacked in perfect geometric alignment all around me. They were a couple hundred feet high, and appeared to have been all carved out of a single slab of rock. It was incredible. 

Dimly, I heard one of them speak behind me. I was still too far away to hear, but I didn't have to get closer because the old man called out a moment later. "Show yourself, or be slain, vile creature of Darkness!" 

I didn't want to risk peeking from behind the pillar, so I called out to them, "To whom am I addressing?" _Keep it simple. Keep it formal. Keep from getting your head blown off, and maybe you can get out of here,_ I thought to myself. 

"I am Gandalf the Grey. Who are you?" 

_Gandalf 'the Grey'? O.....kay._ "Private First Class Todd Blackburn of the United States Army Rangers, 75th Unit." 

They talked quietly amongst themselves for a moment, then the old man called again, "We do not know these united states. Are you friend or foe to the Light?" 

I wasn't quite sure what he meant. "If you mean 'Am I sick of this place and can't wait to see daylight again?' then, yessir, I'm a friend to light." 

A gruff voice challenged, "Then come out where we can see you, 'friend.'" 

"You have our word, no harm will befall you," the old man added. 

I didn't know if I could trust them on that, but my choices at the moment were either step out and risk getting shot or bolt and hope I can find my own way out of here. I stepped out slowly, gun ready but not aimed directly at them. I made my way to them, careful not to make any sudden moves. I stopped about ten feet from the old man. They all had drawn swords [what the hell?] except for the bearded one with his ax and the blonde with a bow and arrow. Like me, they all had weapons ready for a fight, but they weren't aggressive about it. For a while no one said anything. They eyed my fatigues and gear warily as if they'd never seen them before. _Hell, haven't they ever seen CNN before?_

I decided to be the one to break the ice. I straightened up to my full height, slowly raised my hand in a salute, and looked the old man directly in the eye. "Private Todd Blackburn," I introduced myself, and let my hand drop back loosely to my gun. 

The old man smiled and nodded, as if coming to a conclusion about me. "I am Gandalf," he bowed slightly. "These are my companions." He named them each in turn. The two men were Boromir [the fancier dressed one] and Aragorn. The bearded one was Gimli. The four little ones were Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin. The blonde was Legolas. 

Sam was the one to figure out why Legolas had caught my eye. "You have his face," he said. 

"What?" Gimli grunted. 

Sam stammered a bit and blushed, like he'd just spoken out in church or something. "It's just that, well....they look like each other. Leastwise, that is, they have a bit of the same face." His face flushed again, and he went quiet. 

Legolas and I looked each other over. Sam was right. We had the same noses, chins, mouths, and but for the color we had the same eyes. "Perhaps you have some Elvish blood in you, lad," Aragorn said, smiling. 

Before I could ask what he meant, Gandalf asked me, "Why are you here, young man? What is your purpose?" 

"I don't really know, sir. The last thing I remember is falling out of a helicopter and waking up here. I need to get out of here and back to the rest of my troops. I'm probably already listed MIA, and it wouldn't be long before I'm considered POW, or hell even KIA." 

"Em eye ae? Pee oh dubyoo? Kay eye ae?" 

I frowned. "Yessir. Missing In Action, Prisoner Of War, and Killed In Action." _Okay, so they don't watch CNN._ "I need to get out of here. Do you know the way?" 

Gimli rumbled in his throat. "He's a stinking spy. _Blackburn_ indeed. I say we kill him now and leave his rotting corpse as a warning to those accursed orcs." 

I stiffened and gripped my gun harder. 

"Now now, Gimli. We have nothing that says he is so." Gandalf addressed me again. "Please calm yourself and join us, at least until we reach the outside." 

Some hairy stump just proclaimed my rotting corpse to be on the top of his 'to do' list, and I'm supposed to calm down? I tried to relax my shoulders, but I made a point to shift my rifle in my hands. Not breaking eye contact with hairy, I asked Gandalf, "How far is it to the outside?" 

"Oh not far," he said conversationally, as though one of his friends hadn't just threatened to kill me. "Perhaps an hour more." 

"How long back that way?" I inclined my head the way they had come. 

"We've traveled four days from the West Gate," Aragorn answered. 

Gandalf moved onward. I fell into step beside Gimli. I didn't want him behind me, and I guess he felt the same way. We went on that way for a few minutes - me eyeing Gimli, he growling at me - until something past me caught his attention. With a cry, he pushed me aside and barreled his way into a room in the wall I had followed. We followed him in and found him kneeling in front of a stone crypt. He was weeping. 

Gandalf brushed away the dust and dirt from the top of the crypt and read, "'Here lies Balin, son of Fundin. Lord of Moria.'" 

I looked around. The room was small with the crypt in the center and a well to one side. Old skeletons were littered everywhere. Some wore rotting robes, but most wore ancient maille and armor. All of them were either pierced with arrows or had the side of their skulls crushed in, and all of them had been here a very long time. The way Gimli acted, he must have known these people. 

No wonder he didn't like me. If I'd just found some stranger in my friends' tomb, I wouldn't like him either. 

Beside the crypt was one of the robed skeletons. It had a book in its lap, a quill in its hand, and an arrow in its chest. _He'd been killed while he was still writing,_ I thought. I began to feel nauseous. I hadn't even been in combat yet; I certainly wasn't used to death in all its rotting hideousness. 

Gandalf gently took the book from the deceased writer and opened it to its final pages. "'They have taken the bridge and the second hall. We cannot get out. We cannot get out. Drums. Drums in the deep. They are coming...'" 

A crash sounded beside me. I whirled to see one of the little ones [I still had trouble telling which was which] standing next to well with a guilty look on his face. The corpse sitting on the lip of the well no longer had a head. Even as we stood watching, the remainder of the corpse fell backwards into the well, dragging a heavy chain and bucket down with it. The clattering and clanging of their fall echoed throughout the entire cavern system. 

Then all was quiet. They all stood silent a moment, waiting for something to happen I guess. Gandalf yelled at the little one, "Fool of a Took! Why don't you throw yourself in next time and save us the trouble of your stupidity!" 

I was about to stand up for the little guy, but was cut off by a deep booming drum. Another drummer beat out an answer to the first. Soon the caverns were shaking with the echoes. 

"Orcs," someone breathed. I didn't know the meaning of the word, but I didn't like it. 

"Let them come!" Gimli shouted. "They'll know there's one Dwarf in Moria that still draws breath!" 

Boromir and Aragorn closed the room's rotting doors. As he came back in, Boromir stated, "They have a cave troll." Legolas tossed them old axes to brace the door with, then they all stood away and readied whatever weapons they had. 

Legolas and Aragorn leveled arrows at the chinks in the doors. Everyone else had swords raised, and Boromir had the addition of a shield the size of a small tabletop. A gaggle of voices, the like I'd never had the displeasure of hearing before, rush towards us. Many [hundreds? thousands?] bodies pressed against the doors, scratching and clawing at the old wood. All I could see was green slimy flesh through the doors' chinks. 

Legolas fired an arrow through a chink. A scream outside signaled a good aim. Aragorn followed suit. Not knowing what else to do, I quickly checked my ammo and made sure the safety was off. 

No sooner had I done that, then the ancient doors finally gave way, and a sea of scraggly, slimy, ugly green bodies poured through the opening.

* * *


	2. What's black and green and ugly all over...

Brother's Keeper  
Part 2 

* * *

_So that's an orc,_ some part of my mind whispered. The rest of my mind was scared shitless at these....things coming at me en masse.

My training and sense of self-preservation kicked in, and I pulled the trigger of my rifle. The first wave of orcs dropped to the ground in unceremonious heaps. Black blood oozed out of them. The stench would have made me nauseous if I wasn't so busy trying to keep them from bashing my head in. 

More came, an endless rush of green flesh and black blood. Some of them tried to back away from me, but the throng behind pushed them forward into my range of fire. Some of them made it past me and attacked the others, where they were felled by arrows, swords, and an ax. 

My rifle kept spouting a steady stream of bullets to discourage the orcs from further attack, but they pressed on. The rapid _kata-kata-kata_ of my gun reassured me, but all too soon, all I heard was a sickening _clika-clik._

I was out of ammo, and the orcs weren't going to give me time to load a new mag. Having no other choice, I lifted the strap of the gun off of my neck and swung my rifle one-handed like a club. With the other hand, I grabbed my bayonet knife and began slashing at them. 

Thankfully, the flow of orcs had ebbed, so there weren't so many to deal with. Unfortunately, the only reason they stopped coming was because they were leading a giant creature on a chain into the room. The creature swung a giant club, not caring who or what it hit. It smashed downwards, and I jumped before it crushed me. Then it ignored me in favor of the roaring Gimli, who was perched atop the crypt and brandishing his ax at the giant. It swung again, and Gimli leapt. The blow crushed the foot of the crypt. Gimli roared louder and would've attacked the giant, but a few straggling orcs attacked him first. 

I looked back at the door. More orcs were coming towards us. To attack or just watch the carnage of their giant pet, I didn't know nor did I care. I grabbed a grenade, pulled the pin with my teeth, and chucked it out the door. The explosion sent them scattering again. 

I focussed on the giant again, just in time to see Legolas jump onto its head and shoot an arrow point blank into its skull. The giant only seemed angrier and showed no signs of injury otherwise. The giant broke its chain and attacked the little ones. I whistled shrilly and threw a rock at it to get its attention. It looked at me clearly annoyed by the little gnat tossing stones at it. I slashed the neck of an oncoming orc and then pulled a grenade from my belt. 

"Lookie what I got," I called to it in singsong sort of voice. I tossed it lightly from hand to hand. "You want it?" I taunted. The giant seemed intrigued by the little green grenade. It grabbed for me, but I danced out of the way. I pulled the pin and lightly tossed it up to him. He caught it easily and began sniffing at it curiously. 

"Duck!" I yelled to the others. They managed to find some cover a split second before it exploded. 

The giant staggered and screamed in fury. The explosion blinded it and removed most of the skin on its face. The explosion had also blown the palm of its hand to nothing more than tattered flesh over scorched bone. Legolas moved in front of it and fired a single shot through the roof of its mouth. It stopped a moment and gagged before dropping dead on the ground. 

I searched for the little ones. Aragorn was kneeling over one of them. It was the one with the big eyes. He was slumped over a spear. To everyone's surprise, he got up. Slowly, but he got up and said, "It's all right. I'm not hurt." 

Aragorn was breathless. "That spear would have skewered a wild boar." 

The little one [Frodo, that was it. Frodo has the big eyes, Sam has red hair, and the other two...are Merry and Pippin] parted his shirt to reveal a shining maille shirt underneath. 

"Mithril," Gimli breathed. Another word I didn't know, but this one didn't seem ominous. 

Aragorn helped Frodo to his feet and made sure he really wasn't hurt. Then they all stared at me. I was uncomfortable to say the least. 

"I know not what manner of weapons you carry," Gandalf said, "but I am thankful they were used in _our_ favor." 

I smiled and saluted smartly. I would've made some glib reply, but we could hear the gaggling voices of more orcs approaching. 

"Come!" Gandalf shouted. We followed him at a dead run. I could see all around us, up through the floor, and down from the ceiling of the pillared room, orcs were massing from every conceivable angle. We were going to be cut off before we could reach the far door where Gandalf was leading. I loaded a new mag on the run, and stopped with the others. 

We were surrounded. We all stood back to back, facing the horde that encircled us. The orcs screeched and taunted from a small distance. I set my jaw grimly and fitted my rifle into my shoulder. _If I'm going down, you bastards are coming with me._

Before I could fire a shot, a deep rumble came from behind us. Everyone, including the orcs, turned their attention to the noise. At first I thought it was another drum, but the rumbles came at slow even intervals. A red glow came from behind the pillars. The orcs seemed to know exactly what it was.....and ran for their lives back into the nooks and crannies they had emerged from. 

"What new devilry is this?" Boromir whispered. 

Gandalf answered him. "A Balrog." 

I felt Legolas stiffen beside me. 

"Your weapons are of no use here," Gandalf said. "Run!" 

We turned tail from the approaching glow and ran through the far door. Boromir was leading this time, and it almost got him killed when he tried to step down a stair that wasn't there anymore. Legolas grabbed him as he teetered on the edge of the precipice. I spared half a second to stare down where Boromir would have fallen. _Damn. That last step's a doozie._

The others grabbed my attention again, and I followed through a maze of stairs and small halls. "You guys know where you're going, right?" I asked. 

"To the bridge of Khazad-Dûm!" shouted Gandalf over the noise of the footsteps [for that is what the even rumbling was - the heavy footfalls of something even bigger than the giant in the crypt room] which had grown so loud that the cave walls shook with each step. 

Legolas and I leapt over a gap in the stair we were on. We turned to help the others across. They each jumped [or were thrown, in the case of the little ones] and landed safely with us on the lower edge. 

Frodo and Aragorn were about to jump when disaster struck. The footsteps of the creature loosened a great chunk of rock from the ceiling, and it fell through the stair behind them. The gap we had already jumped widened until it was impossible to cross. The wide gashes in front and behind them trapped the pair. They couldn't go forward, they couldn't go back, and the section of stair they were standing on was beginning to crumble beneath them. 

It looked like all was lost for them, but fortune was in their favor. The crumbling stair crumbled forward, and they were able to leap into our waiting arms. The group, now complete again, ran towards the bridge of Khazad-Dûm. 

When I first saw the bridge, I nearly stopped and refused, but the red glow grew to immense proportions behind me, and a heat like raw blazing fire crossed my back. It spurred me on faster. 

"You call _this_ a bridge?!" I yelled even as I set foot on it. I didn't dare slow down, or even look down, as I crossed. I was too afraid of stumbling over the side of the narrow lip of rock. _And there'll be a marker next to the bridge saying 'Here lies Todd Blackburn. The idiot with two left feet who fell from a chopper and a bridge in the same day.'_

I was almost laughing as I ran off the bridge and slammed full tilt into the opposite wall. I rolled off the wall and followed Boromir and the little ones up another stair. Boromir stopped and turned around, looking at the bridge. The rest of us stopped and turned as well. 

Gandalf was standing in the middle of the bridge, facing down what I can only call a living bonfire. The thing was made of smoke and flames, and it roared with a ferocity that shook me to the core. Gandalf stood his ground and commanded the creature, "You cannot pass!" 

The fiery demon only seemed to laugh at the little man in front of it. 

"I am a servant of the Secret Fire, wielder of the flame of Anor. The dark fire will not avail you, flame of Udûn. Go back to the Shadow!" 

The demon raised a flaming sword and brought it down on Gandalf. The blade of it shattered like so much glass smashed against a stone. 

Raising his sword and staff together, Gandalf bellowed, "You - shall not - pass!" and struck the bridge mightily. 

The demon looked at Gandalf as if expecting something more, but nothing more happened. It stepped onto the bridge with a fiery whip in its hand, and the half it stepped on gave way and fell into the bottomless chasm below. The demon, howling with rage, fell with it. 

Gandalf seemed to shrink, having spent so much energy. I nearly yelled in triumph for him, but the victory was premature. As Gandalf turned to join us, the demon flicked its whip up and caught his leg, dragging Gandalf over the edge. 

"Fly, you fools," he said and then was gone. 

My heart sank into my knees. I didn't know this man, but he had just given his life to save me, to save all of us. God, I wanted to cry. 

The little ones cried out his name and tried to run to him, but they were stopped by the bigger men. I'm not sure how it came about, but I found myself running with Sam tucked under my arm as I blindly followed those ahead of me out into the sunlight. 

I lowered Sam to the ground, where he collapsed in tears. Merry and Pippin were huddled against each other, grieving. Everyone else seemed in shock. Aragorn, who was the most collected, called out to Legolas to get everyone on their feet and moving. Legolas looked at him as if he wasn't quite sure he'd heard right. 

"For pity's sake, give them a moment," Boromir said. 

Aragorn motioned at the hillsides around them. "By nightfall these hills will be swarming with orcs. We need to make our way to Lothlorien as fast as possible." 

Legolas went to Merry and Pippin and tried to rouse them up. I went to Sam. "Come on, little guy. Up and at 'em." He was limp, and I ended up physically hauling him to his feet. I took him by the shoulders and made him look me in the eye. "He saved you," I told him. "He saved all of us, but that's not going to mean squat if we wait out here for more orcs." He nodded and stumbled forward on shaky legs. 

I called out softly to Gimli. "What's at the bottom of that chasm?" 

He frowned. "No one knows. It is a bottomless void with no way down save for Gandalf's path. Why do you ask?" 

I shrugged. "I'm a Ranger. Part of our creed is 'Leave no man behind.' Even if he's dead, every man gets to go home. I thought if maybe there was a way down, we could get him out." I sighed. "I guess it's out of the question if there's not." 

"Even with a way down," Gimli stated, "it would be death for us all." 

I knew that rather than arguing with me, he was trying to talk himself out of going back. "I know," was all I said. I stepped forward and took Sam, who was still shaky, by the hand. 

Frodo was looking back at me. His eyes were eerily dead, like the grief had killed everything else in him, but I could see that he wanted very much to go back as well. I slung my gunstrap back around my neck and offered him my free hand. He hesitated a moment, looked at Sam, and took my offering. Aragorn gave me a grateful smile before turning and leading us down the mountain. 

Aragorn pushed us hard all day. My old drill sergeant could learn a few things from him. Whenever we would slack in pace, he urged us on faster. Well after dark, we could go no further, and when Aragorn called for us to stop and rest, we collapsed where we stood. He woke us again before dawn, and we were off again, just as tired as when we went to sleep. 

_Drill Sgt. Lowery is a pussy cat compared to this guy,_ I grumbled to myself as I was roused from a deep sleep. The only one that seemed unaffected by the short rest was Legolas. I half-jogged next to him for a while and couldn't resist asking him, "What's your secret, man?" 

He looked at me, eyeing the similarities in us again, and replied, "I am an Elf, not a man, and of what secret do you speak?" 

I almost laughed. "You're a what?" 

"An Elf. You know naught of Elves?" 

I did laugh this time. "Sure....they make toys for Santa. Except for the Keeblers, they live in a tree and make cookies. Seriously though, how do you get the energy to keep going like this? The rest of us are dead on our feet." 

He didn't look pleased at my description of elves. "You know naught of Elves," he stated and was silent. 

I mentally shrugged off his reaction and kept up my nearly-jogging pace. Occasionally I had to give one of the little ones a hand up from a stumble. I stumbled myself once in a while as well. 

The day was once again a long trek into exhaustion that left us deep asleep when rest finally came. Once again, Aragorn and Legolas roused us early to set off. I was tired and hungry [I knew the sugar from my stash of M&Ms would only dehydrate me] and forced to share a water flask with Gimli because I hadn't taken a canteen on my mission.

Around noontime, we reached the edge of a forest. Aragorn seemed relieved to be there. We marched at a slower pace through the surrounding foliage. 

My mind, no longer forced to focus on putting one foot in front of another, wandered to locations. I had fallen from a chopper in Mogadishu. Mogadishu was in the middle of the fucking desert with an ocean to the east. The mountains in the area didn't amount to much more than solid sand dunes. Vegetation was scarce until you got closer to the shoreline, and even then it was spotty. 

I had just come from a big rocky mountain, which was part of a whole range of mountains and had a cave system the size of New York City. I had been traveling for two days across grassy fields with swift streams flowing through them and was now in a forest. 

Where the hell was I? It certainly wasn't Mogadishu, hell it probably wasn't even Somalia, and I was beginning to wonder if I was still in Africa. 

"Where the hell am I?" 

Everyone stopped and looked at me. 

"Where the hell am I?" I repeated. 

"Just east of the Misty Mountains, in the woods of Lorien," answered Aragorn. 

I shook my head. "No, I mean....where the hell am I? The last time I knew where I was, I was in a fucking desert. Nothing like these mountains or this forest could be found for hundreds and hundreds of miles. There's no fucking way I could just fall out of a chopper and land here." They all just frowned at me. "Fuck! Am I even still in Africa?" 

"I have never heard of this Africa," Aragorn said. "When we reach Lothlorien, we may be able to find some map that you recognize, and you may go home when you wish. For now, we must press on. Our journey is almost ended." 

I shook my head. I wanted to argue. I wanted to know right that second where I was, but Aragorn made sense, and I was glad to hear this deathmarch was almost over. 

Legolas stepped beside me. "You are a strange man, Private Todd Blackburn." 

"I'm not the one with Spock ears," I retorted. He looked at me quizzically. "You know, Spock...Star Trek....'That is highly illogical, Captain'....." His facial expression didn't change. "Nevermind. You guys don't watch that much tv, do you?" 

"What is 'teevee'?" 

I shook my head again. "Nevermind." 

"Tell me of the Keebler Elves," Legolas asked. "I have never heard of them before. The name does not even sound Elvish." 

I shrugged. "Not much to tell. They're about this big." I indicated with my hands about a foot tall. "They live in a big oak tree, and they make cookies and crackers. Their leader is Ernie Keebler, and he wears this dopey little green outfit. Personally, I like the Fudge Shoppe cookies, but then again, I'm a chocolate freak." 

"That cannot be," he argued. "No Elves are so small, and while I know Elves who bake - my father employs many in our city - it is not possible that they _all_ do so. Do they not hunt? or ride? Are they not great archers, as are all other Elves?" 

I wasn't quite sure how to answer that. "Uh.....someone at a bakery made them up as a marketing gimmick to get people to buy their cookies. They're not real; they're fictitious. All elves are." 

He looked like I'd just told him the moon is made of banana pudding. "Not real?! I _am_ an Elf, and I assure you I am quite real."

I didn't want to argue anymore. I was too tired to argue anymore, and the adrenaline rush I'd had since the orc battle was finally wearing off now that we'd slowed down. Plus, I hadn't had a cigarette since before taking off for Mogadishu. Truth be told, I felt sick. "Whatever." 

He didn't press the issue. However Gimli started spouting some nonsense about an elf-witch that lived in these very woods. I tried to ignore him. 

That effort was made easier when I found myself nose to point with an arrow. Behind it was a tall blonde guy with pointy ears. In fact we were surrounded by pointy eared blondes with arrows aimed at us. One of them spoke, "The Dwarf breathes so loudly we could have shot him in the dark." 

Aragorn said something to him in a language I didn't recognize. We were lead deeper into the woods. Our walk went on into the evening, and I was about to start griping [okay whining] about coming to a stopping point soon when the last rays of the sun disappeared. The forest around us began to glow with tiny silver lights. It was like the trees had plucked stars out of the night sky and decorated themselves with their bright points. The trees themselves looked like burnished silver with dark green leaves, and were so tall and wide, I could imagine a redwood becoming jealous. 

We were lead up a stair that had been built into a tree trunk and spiraled upwards out of sight amongst the foliage. Along the way were many platforms, where people were talking, playing, in general _living_ like it was no big deal that they were a hundred feet off the ground. At the top we were ushered into a house of palacial elegance. Standing on a dais were two of the most beautiful people I'd ever seen. I rarely attach that word to men [hey I'm in the army] but the man in front of me could have no other description but beautiful.

And if he was beautiful, the woman next to him was a goddess. She looked at me as though she could see right through me. 

_I greet you, fair stranger, though you do not belong here._

That was it. I'd been through battle with orcs and giants, dragged on a death march with crazy people who thought they were elves, sickened by adrenaline withdrawal and nicotine cravings, and was now hearing voices in my head. 

"Fuck me blind," I muttered and passed out cold. 

* * *


	3. Fashion, Food, and Fuck You

Brother's Keeper  
Part 3 

* * *

I lay awake for a while before I actually opened my eyes. I was hoping that the bed beneath me was a bunk, and when I opened my eyes, some of the guys would be playing cards at the table. The past few days had been some horrible jet-lagged nightmare.

But it wasn't a bunk. It was too comfortable to be a bunk, and the sheets were silky soft on my naked body.

I sighed, opened my eyes, and sat up. I had been divested of all my clothing and equipment. My weapons were neatly arranged on a nearby table, but my clothes were nowhere to be seen. Looking around the room, I decided it wasn't much of a room. It was a floor without a ceiling [unless you counted the tree branches above] and no walls [unless you counted more branches all around] with sparse furniture: the bed I was in, the table with my gear, and a chair next to the table.

I wrapped a sheet around myself and got up. Searching my gear, I found my M&Ms. I sat back on the bed and began eating my candy. I hadn't brought water on my mission because everyone said it was just a "snatch and grab" operation. We'd be back at base before we got thirsty. I brought M&Ms because I always got the munchies when I went out on exercises, so I always stashed a little something in my pocket before putting on my gear. I learned the hard way that M&Ms were the best for mission munchies because they didn't melt in your pocket.

"You are awake."

I turned to see Legolas at the entrance to the "room." I grunted noncommittally and flicked a little yellow M&M into the air, catching it in my mouth.

"What are those?" he asked.

"M&Ms....candy," I explained at his expression.

I extended the bag in offering to him. He reached in, grabbed a green one, and popped it in his mouth. His eyebrows shot up in surprise. "What a marvelous flavor!" he exclaimed.

"It's just chocolate, man." I flicked a red one in the air and caught it too. "Do you know where my clothes are?"

"They were taken to be cleaned of the orc blood." He snaked his fingers back into the M&Ms. "We had quite a time trying to discern how the fastenings worked." He flicked the candy into the air, nearly missed, but caught it in his mouth. "Where do you find these 'emenems'?"

"Candy store." I flicked another yellow one. "Do you think I could get something else to wear 'till my clothes are cleaned? And maybe look at some maps like Aragorn said?"

"Indeed, that is why I came." He handed me a bundle he'd had tucked under his arm. "They are of the Elvish fashion. I hope you find them suitable."

"Elvish......" I looked him in the eye. "You're serious, aren't you? You - hell, everyone here - is an elf?"

He smiled. "With the exception of our traveling companions, yes all here are Elves."

I sighed. "Somehow I get the feeling that looking at maps won't do me much good. No place on any map I've ever heard of has elves or orcs or giant cave dwelling.....things." I got up and started putting on the clothes Legolas gave me. The macho butch army man in me wasn't quite thrilled with dark green velvet pants and a light green silk shirt, but it was either that or a silk toga made from bedsheets. Legolas had also brought a pair of boots for me. They were very light and comfortable and looked better with the clothes than my chunky army-issue combat boots would have.

"You cut a fine figure, Private Todd Blackburn."

I ran a hand over my shaved head. "I doubt anyone would mistake me for an elf, but thanks....and you can just call me Todd."

"Todd it is then. You should come. The evening meal is being set for us down below, and the Lord and Lady of the Wood wish to speak with you."

I gulped when I remembered what I had said to the Lady. "Uh...they're not angry with me, are they?"

"Why should they be angry?"

"Uh.....'cause I swore in front of her. I'd never swear at a lady like that. I was just......stressed."

He smiled. "She knows this....they both do, even though they know not what the word 'fuck' means."

His expression clearly said he wanted to know what it meant. "Uhm....you know what the term 'making love' means, right?"

"Aye," he said as we walked downstairs towards the base of the tree, where I could see the little ones resting and Gimli smoking a pipe.

"Well.....it's kinda like that, except without any touchy-feely emotional meaning to it - just pure, animalistic pleasure for yourself."

He frowned. "Like rutting deer?"

I shrugged. "I guess. It's also implied as a very foul word. Like I said, I'd never swear around a lady like that."

"I am certain they realize this, my friend. Come, let us eat."

By the time we got to the ground where the others were, a table had already been set with mounds of food. I dug in, not realizing until then how little I'd eaten in the past few days.

Gimli laughed as I ate. "Ha! Finally someone who can match the appetites of our Hobbit companions."

I didn't get the joke, but the chuckles that surrounded me sank in, and I relaxed around them. I wasn't just a stranger anymore; I was a friend who had been through hard times with them. Funny how nearly getting killed with someone will do that.

We chatted a long time. Mostly the conversation was their barrage of questions about where I'm from, why don't I know anything that they deem common knowledge, what sort of weapons I carried, and how did they work. Their reactions to the technology I described ranged from confusion to amazement to outright disbelief.

Soon the tables turned, and I had questions about elves, hobbits, dwarves, and this world in general. Some part of my mind was still screaming at me, "No, you idiot! This isn't real. Fairytales don't walk up and serve you dinner." Another louder part smacked the other and said "Oh yeah, then what the hell are you eating?"

Faster than I realized possible, the food had dwindled to the last few crumbs. I was stuffed with meats and breads finer than I'd ever had, and was more than a little drunk on the wine that had flowed freely from silver pitchers.

I was laughing at some joke Pippin told us when I found myself staring across the table at our Lord and Lady hosts. I nearly choked trying to stop laughing at Pip. "Your Highnesses...." I stammered. "I didn't see you sit down."

"No indeed," said the Lady. "I am not surprised since you were having such a merry time with your new companions. Though I am gladdened that you are feeling better." I blushed at the reminder of our first meeting. I tried to stammer an apology, but she waved me to silence. "Legolas has made your apologies for you already."

I liked her. She was not only an ethereal Elven beauty, but she had a way of being able to put me at ease with just a hint of a smile at her lips.

Her husband was another story. His disdain of me and the other travelers was more than obvious. We were some kind of insect beneath his high and mighty feet, not worthy of being crushed by his dainty heels. _Well, fuck him and the horse he rode in on._

Celeborn frowned down at me thunderously. Galadriel's lips quirked as she tried to control a smile. Then I remember the voice in my head when we had arrived. _Oh fuck me, they're mind-readers!_

"You seem fond of that word." Celeborn's voice was smooth and easy, nothing like the storm I could see in his eyes.

I coughed and stammered a bit before finding my own voice. "It's fairly common to use it, especially when you're in a relaxed setting."

"Then we are glad you are so comfortable after your ordeals," Galadriel said placing her hand on her husband's in a calming gesture. "It cannot be easy moving from one world into another, with no foreknowledge of what will greet you once you've arrived."

"I...uh...didn't exactly plan this trip."

"I know. That is why you do not belong here; one never belongs where one never intended to be."

_Wow...She's deep._ "So how do I get back to where I do belong?"

"That depends," Celeborn said, "on where you wish to be now."

I huffed a bit of laughter at him. "Well, that's easy....I wanna go home."

Galadriel tilted her head to one side. "You're certain of this? You would not want to explore this world more?"

"Believe me, what I've seen is more than enough to last me a lifetime."

Celeborn smiled that arrogant smile of his. "That is unfortunate.....If your means of transportation is unknown, then how do you propose to return whence you came?"

I was really beginning to not like this guy.....Mostly because, dammit, he had a point.

* * *


	4. Snoopy isn't just a dog

Brother's Keeper  
Part4

* * *

"I find you at last, Todd."

I glanced up to see Legolas standing at the entrance of my room again. After my little talk with Celeborn and Galadriel, I was depressed enough to go back up the tree and try to clean my weapons. Try being the operative word. Without the proper brushes and solvents, I was probably just shoving dirt and orc-blood into the operating parts of my rifle. _Oh well_, I thought. _Better frustrated than depressed. When you're frustrated, sooner or later you get to hit something._

I turned my attention back to my gun. "What's up, Legs?"

He frowned at me, then up into the tree, then down at his legs. "I beg your pardon?"

I winced to keep from laughing. "Sorry, Legs--Legolas. I'm used to using a lot of slang when I talk. I just meant 'What's new?' 'How is everything with you?' 'Any word on if Celeborn is going to behead me today or tomorrow?' Take your pick, man."

He quirked an eyebrow at me. "We did hear of your....conversation with Lord Celeborn. You told him to 'fuck' his horse?"

"No! I said for all I cared about him and his attitude towards me, he _could_ fuck himself and his horse. I don't give a damn. And for another thing, I didn't even _say_ it, I thought it. I've never had to curtail my thoughts before, so I kinda just think whatever the hell I want. How the hell am I supposed to curb my thoughts when I'm trying to recover from being half-exhausted and half-starved while I'm half-drunk? _It's not my fault he's a fucking psychic!_" I punctuated my last sentence by slamming my rifle onto the table. The force of the blow made a few grenades start rolling towards the edge of the table. I scrambled to catch them and, having succeeded, slumped in the chair with a heavy sigh. "I can't go home, Legs. I don't know how I got here. You don't know how I got here. They don't know how I got here. So no one knows how I got here, and no one knows how to get me back home. I don't have a helluva lot of prospects here."

He nodded. "I see...you are frustrated."

I laughed. "'_Frustrated?_' I'm stuck god-knows-where with hobbits and knights, an elf-king that hates me, and no way home. 'Frustrated' is not the word, Legs. It's called '_scared shitless_.'"

"You are a brave man, Todd....strange perhaps, but as brave as any man I have met, and I have met many in my lifetime. Do not worry; you will find your path. Here...." He handed me a bundle that I recognized as my clothes, now free of orc-blood.

I took my clothes and tossed the lot onto the bed. Despite dirtying my elf-clothes while "cleaning" my gun, I didn't feel like changing back into my uniform. It's not like a commanding officer was going to walk in and demand to know why I was wearing silk and velvet.

"Thanks," I told Legolas. He bowed slightly and turned to leave. "I'm not that brave, Legs," I muttered. He stopped and turned back to me. "I was brave against those orcs 'cause I'm trained for battle. 'Readily will I display the intestinal fortitude required to fight on to the Ranger objective and complete the mission though I be the lone survivor.' Fighting with you guys wasn't exactly my mission, but it was my ass on the line too, so...." I spread my hands in a helpless gesture. "Here I am....and I'm not trained to be utterly lost and helpless in a place that, by all reason, shouldn't even exist. I'm not that brave." I cast my eyes down and sighed again. I probably would have cried, but the macho butch army man in me refused. Instead I packed my gear away and wished that I could go downstairs and someone would point the way home.

Hands rested comfortingly on my shoulders. "You are braver than you know, Todd Blackburn." Legolas turned to leave again. "Dress in your own clothing or not, as you will, Todd, but you must move your belongings below. You were only allowed a room for your ailment, and now that you are feeling well, the Lord and Lady wish for you to leave the trees and dwell with the Fellowship whilst we are here."

_No more room with a view? Now there's a surprise._ The sarcasm was practically dripping from my cerebral cortex. I finished packing and followed Legolas downstairs.

Everyone below was relaxing. Aragorn and Gimli were quietly debating the merits of this metal versus that for armor. "Of course mithril is the best," Gimli was saying. "A pity the knowledge of its making was lost." Aragorn nodded his agreement and puffed on a pipe. The hobbits were trying to nod off, with the exception of Sam, who was trying to relight the campfire. He seemed to be having trouble with his flint and tinderbox. Boromir was absorbed in his own thoughts, idly stroking the ornate horn he always carried with him. They looked up and greeted me as Legolas I drew near.

I dumped my gear in an empty space near the fireside and went to help Sam. "Here," I said as I flicked out my lighter. Everyone looked in awe at my little flame.

"Magic?" Sam asked in barely a whisper.

"Nah, just think of it as a tiny tinderbox." I lit the straw and twigs at the bottom of the firepit, and the little flame licked its way up into a warm, crackling fire.

"Truly, your people have amazing gifts," said Boromir. "I wonder if you might show us your weapons....explain them to us, their workings?"

I hesitated. I wasn't sure how my current situation fitted into the _Don't give technologically underdeveloped cultures your technology_ rule. Then I thought, _Fuck that....this isn't Star Trek_, and launched into the particulars of guns. I found it easier to explain by comparing them to a weapon they already knew. I fished a bullet out of a cartridge. "This is like an arrow. It's what actually does the damage. This" I motioned to my rifle "is the bow. It sends the bullet to do the damage."

Legolas's curiosity was peaked by my comparison. He looked closely at the bullet and frowned. "'Tis so small....and not even sharp."

"Doesn't have to be sharp if it's moving fast enough." I aimed and fired once into the ground. The resulting crater was small but impressively deep.

Legolas found one of his own arrows and stuck it down the bullet-hole for a measurement. He then got out his bow and fired the arrow straight down next to the hole. "Your rifle is most powerful, Todd," he said after comparing the two depths, the bullet being much deeper. 

I put my gun away. "Yeah well, it's not forever." I made a pleading gesture to Aragorn and his pipe. He smiled and obliged by handing it over.

"Forever?" Boromir asked.

Whatever Aragorn smoked, it wasn't tobacco, but it was good for someone on nicotine withdrawals. Turning back to Boromir, I exhaled a warm lungful of smoke and said, "I only have so many bullets. Once they're gone, all I have is metal club."

"You cannot forge more?"

"No, I'm trained in their use, not their manufacturing. And before anyone volunteers to ask the local smith if he can bang out a few, bullets aren't just solid metal. The bow and arrow analogy is pretty basic - send projectile, projectile causes damage. The makeup of the _this_ projectile and exactly _how_ it gets sent is a lot more complicated that that. I can't really explain it further unless you want your heads to spin right off your shoulders. Hell, it gets _my_ head spinning sometimes."

"Then perhaps you would do well to learn our weaponry," said Aragorn. He partially unsheathed his sword. "Compared to your armory, ours would be much simpler to learn, I think."

Nodding, I returned his pipe and thanked him for the offer, but commented that lessons could probably wait until morning, as it was getting rather late. He agreed, and we all bedded down near the warm fire.

Despite not actually having a bed, sleep came easily to me on the soft grass and warm blankets. Unfortunately, sleep also came easily to Gimli. I was woken several times by his heavy snoring. The others had apparently become used to this and had no problem ignoring him in favor of rest.

During one such moment of annoyed wakefulness, I heard blankets rustle beside me. I hoped it was someone nearer to Gimli who could prod him and stop the noise. Gimli's continued nasal echoes told me that was not the case. I turned over and saw Frodo following a white spectre away from the camp. I grabbed my pistol and followed him because frankly, with the exceptions of Legolas and Galadriel, I didn't trust elves.

I kept a good distance between us but kept him in sight. When he stopped in a small clearing, I could see that he hadn't followed any spectre but Galadriel, wrapped in gauzy white. Frodo was peering into a basin of water, while Galadriel looked on. From my hiding place, I couldn't see what was happening very clearly, but Frodo seemed distressed. He jerked back suddenly and landed flat on his back.

"I know what it is that you saw," she said to him. "For it is also in my mind."

Frodo just stared back at her and lifted his hand in an offering gesture.

She seemed surprised. "You offer it to me freely?" She considered Frodo and whatever was in his hand for a moment, then looked off into space as though considering a possibility. "I do not deny that my heart has greatly desired this."

"In place of a Dark Lord, you would have a Queen." She shifted suddenly. Galadriel was no longer a gauzy white ethereal beauty. She looked dark and bright at the same time; shining like the stars, but tarnished like old silver; larger than life, but shrunken and hollow. "I shall not be dark, but beautiful and terrible as the Morning and the Night! Fair as the Sea and the Sun and the Snow upon the Mountain! Dreadful as the Storm and the Lightning! Stronger than the foundations of the earth! _All shall love me and despair!_" She shifted again, back to her normal self. She sagged from the effort of her speech. "I pass the test," she whispered. "I will diminish, and go into the West, and remain Galadriel."

The two parted. Frodo put the necklace he had in his hand back around his neck and began to trudge his way back to our camp.

I scurried ahead of him, hoping he wouldn't catch me snooping into his business. I hadn't meant to snoop, only to make sure he wasn't going to get hurt. Even though they were adults, the hobbits had a very childlike quality that made you want to protect them. Frodo in particular seemed so vulnerable and afraid.

I got back to my blanket by the fire and bedded down again. Then I sat up and tossed a small rock at the still-snoring Gimli. The rock bounced off of his helmet with a tiny _clang_. Gimli snorted once and slept on silently.

I was smiling at my proficient aim when Frodo returned. Fortunately for me, he was too wrapped up in his own thoughts to notice me quickly avert my eyes and lay back down to sleep.

* * *


	5. Just Shoot Me

Brother's Keeper

****

Note:_ The Elvish written here is in Quenya. By all rights, it should be Sindarin, but I don't know Sindarin. I may change it at some future date, but until then it's Quenya. Translations are at the bottom of the story._

Part 5

* * *

By the time I woke, Sam already had sausages sizzling on a pan with bacon and some vegetables. Our elven hosts had given us a basket of bread and several pitchers of juice to add to our breakfast. Once that was finished, Legolas and Aragorn took me aside to teach me a few medieval skills.

Since I used the analogy of a gun being like a bow and arrow, they decided I should try my hand at archery. The Lothlorien elves had a practice area with much-used targets that were shot at from great distances. Some elves were even aiming from tree branches too high for me to see the individuals shooting.

Legolas lent me his bow and gave me a few pointers before letting me try on my own. I carefully picked up an arrow and notched it into the string with my first two fingers, just as he'd shown me. As I was pulling back on the string, the arrow fell out of my fingers' grip and fell at my feet.

The elves that were practicing (even ones in the trees where I couldn't see) chuckled at the pitiful archer I was. I glowered, picked the arrow back up, and tried again. This time I got the string pulled back and Legolas was giving me instructions on proper posture before the arrow fell out of my hand. Another round of laughter. Not to be humiliated again, I picked it up and notched it using my thumb and index finger.

"That is not how--" Legolas began.

"Well at least I won't drop it this way!" I interrupted him with a furious whisper.

Legolas frowned but was silent. I pulled back the string for the third time - I could already hear chuckles around me - aimed as best I could, and let go. The arrow completely missed the target, glanced off a rock, ricocheted across one of the stairwells, and embedded itself in a tree trunk off to my left.

Dead silence surrounded me for all of two seconds before the entire forest erupted into peals of laughter. I swear, the trees themselves would have been giggling if they could.

My face was burning in humiliation, but I refused to give up. I got another arrow and tried again. I went back to Legolas's two-finger method, but the arrow didn't fall out this time. I missed again, and gained another round of laughs. I closed my eyes and tried to shut out the sound. I knew that they just wanted to get a rise out of me, and I'd be damned before I let them have it.

"You know, Legs," I commented as I pulled back another arrow, "if I don't get the hang of this archery stuff, I could just become a comedian." I let go, another miss, another laugh.

"'Comedian'?"

I thought for a moment. "Jester," I clarified.

He smiled and seemed to catch on that I wasn't going to let them get to me...It wasn't going to keep them from trying, though.

"_Cundu_[1] _Legolas_," someone called from a branch. I looked up in the direction of the voice and saw Haldir. "_Cundu Legolas...toronalya nessima eressë polë horta sardi_."[2]

"Do I want to know what he just said?" I asked.

"Likely not," Aragorn answered, frowning up at Haldir.

We spent the next couple of hours at the target range. After a while, most of the elves got tired of watching the poor pathetic human consistently miss the targets, but Haldir hung on to the end. He seemed to derive some perverse pleasure from shouting insults in a language I couldn't understand.

As much as I didn't want him to get to me, I'd had enough. I turned to Legolas and asked loudly enough for Haldir to hear, "What's elfish for 'Your mother is a dirty orc'?"

Haldir stiffened and then bounded down the nearest stairwell. Aragorn took up a defensive position in front of me, and Legolas went to intercept Haldir.

__

I guess 'dirty orc' is a pretty bad insult, I thought. _Have to remember that._ Haldir looked ready to kill me. He might have already if Legolas wasn't holding him back.

"_Umël harya i téra quetë tar quettar_![3]" Haldir yelled at me.

Legolas gave him a shove and yelled back. "_Sina ná hínave_![4]" Haldir stopped advancing, but he was still glaring daggers through my skull. "_Todd Blackburn ná taura ohtar ar nildo mi hossëmma. Elyë vor nuvar failë quétalye anas_.[5]"

I had no idea what was being said, but Legolas spoke with enough authority to make a four-star general stand at attention. Haldir grudgingly gave Legolas a small bow, then turned and stalked off.

When Haldir was out of sight, Legolas turned on me. "Never compare an Elf to an orc, Todd. It is an insult beyond measure."

"Then maybe he should find something better to do than annoy the shit out of me."

Legolas stared hard at me for a moment, then took back his bow and stalked off after Haldir.

Aragorn put an arm around my shoulders, firmly steering me away from the archery range. "Come, my friend," he said. "Let us work on your sword skills."

We sparred for an hour or so. Aragorn seemed impressed with how quickly I caught on to basic sword skills. "And yet, your archery needs much improvement," he quipped.

"Yeah well, automatic guns don't require much accuracy." I parried a blow, but fell for a feint when Aragorn struck again. He nearly knocked the sword out of my hand. I decided to be naughty and tried some martial arts on him. From what I saw of their fighting styles in the caves, my newfound friends' combat was pretty much limited to archery, swords, and fisticuffs. I'd taken karate since I was a gangly preteen, and I was now a black-belt.

At Aragorn's next move, I parried with one hand while the other grabbed his wrist. I managed a quick turn and tossed him over my shoulder.

Aragorn lay flat on his back, astonished that I'd taken him down. "How did you do that?"

My sword lesson quickly turned into Aragorn's martial arts lesson. Curious as to what we were doing, Boromir, Gimli and the rest came to watch, and soon they were all participating in some basic throwing techniques, with the notable exception of Legolas.

A few interested elves even asked to join in. My first reaction to that was to think, _Kiss my ass, laughing boys_, but then I thought maybe I should try to be nice. After all, I'm the guest in their home. Plus, I was hoping it would somewhat make up for my behavior to Celeborn and Haldir and especially Legolas. After my orc argument with Haldir, Legs didn't come back. _Probably up a tree somewhere, bonding with Hal about the lousy human_, I thought. I gave the elves a tight but civil smile and took great pleasure in tossing them onto their backs for the next hour.

After a long stretching session, came lunch, then a long cool bath in the river, and still no sign of Legolas. I was saddened that he hadn't come back yet. I felt perhaps I had chased him away somehow. Being each other's doppelganger, I had hoped we could be friends…Maybe not blood brothers, but at least we could be on some level of civility.

I decided to take a stroll through the area. I figured I might as well get a good look at an elven realm while I could. There was no telling when I might get kicked out by the angry king or the angrier Haldir.

I found a relatively secluded spot by the river. Slipping off my boots, I let my feet soak in the cool water. The smooth, flat stones under my feet were inviting. I picked a few of them up and skipped them across the river. Some only skipped twice before plunking into the water. A few made four or five skips.

"So you _do_ toss stones, Todd."

I looked up the tree behind me and saw Legolas reclining in the lower branches. I was glad to see him, but his tone wasn't exactly enthusiastic.

"Actually, I'm _skipping_ stones at the moment."

He raised an eyebrow. "Indeed."

"What? Elves don't skip?" I asked as I let another stone fly. It was my best skipper yet. Unfortunately, I didn't look where I was throwing, and the stone skipped its way to a boat and smacked into the hull. The elf in the boat flinched at the sharp noise and glared at me. "Sorry!" I called out to him.

Legolas jumped down from his perch. "You are not very tactful, Todd."

"What? I apologized, didn't I?"

"Apology should not have been needed. When tossing stones, it is best to open one's eyes first."

"I didn't come out here for a lecture, Legs." I dropped my last few stones into the water at my feet and stalked back up the bank.

"Nor did I come here to lecture you. I only wished some solitude, so that I may contemplate my circumstances."

I sat down and put on my boots. "And what circumstances are you in?"

He paused for a moment. "War."

"War? What war? Things seem pretty peaceful around here."

He raised an eyebrow at me again. "How soon you forget. Only days ago you fought by our side against the servants of the Enemy."

"Those orc things? Hell, just stay away from the mountains. I would."

"Ah," he said as he sat next to me and stared out over the river. "And you would simply let the Enemy proliferate its forces until the mountains could no longer contain them? You would let the Enemy grow to such numbers that they would wash over the Free Peoples of Middle Earth as a river washes over the stones in its bed?"

I was more than a little angry at his questions. I'm a Ranger after all, and the implication that I was cowardly or stupid was like telling me I had no right to wear my own uniform.

"Actually, Legs," I said as I got up. "Actually, I would wait for backup before going into what was clearly hostile territory, instead of trotting along merrily with nine pals, four of whom are the size of children, one of whom is older than my grandfather, and only four of whom actually look like they could handle real combat. Furthermore, the only reason _any_ of us are alive right now is because that walking pile of napalm scared off your orcs. So don't fucking tell me you and your little band of merry men were in there to 'fight the enemy.' More likely, you were in there for same reason I was: _You were fucking lost_!"

With that I turned to stomp back to camp, but Legolas grabbed my arm and forced me back around to face him. "We were not lost…but we had no alternative route for our travels. Moria was not the goal of our journey, but merely a dangerous path to it, and our path only promises to become more dangerous as we go on. We know our chances of survival reduce with each step we take, but if we are successful, our lives will be well worth the effort." He released me and went back to sitting on the riverbank. 

"So what is this journey of yours?" I asked. "What's this war about?"

He looked at me. "You truly come from _very_ distant lands if you do not know of the Dark Lord."

"Well, I don't. Enlighten me."

"The tale is….a long one. It would suffice to say that the Enemy's power grows with every moment. His desire to conquer and enslave the whole of Middle Earth intensifies even as we seek his destruction."

"Why does he want to 'conquer and enslave' everybody?"

Legolas sighed and looked up into the canopy far overhead. "The tale is a long one," he repeated. "I believe the simplest answer would be…because it is within his power to do so."

* * *

[1] Prince

[2] Your little brother can only toss pebbles. (Lit. 'Your youthful brother is only able to send flying small stones.')

[3] You don't have the right to say such things! (Lit. 'You do not have the right(?) to speak those words!')

[4] This is childish! (Lit. 'This is child-like!')

[5] Todd Blackburn is a mighty warrior and a friend within our company. You will always be respectful when speaking to him. (Lit. 'Todd Blackburn is a mighty warrior and a friend within our troop. You continually will be fair-minded [when] you speak to him.')


	6. Parting is such sweet sorrow

Brother's Keeper

****

Note:_ The Elvish written here is in Quenya. By all rights, it should be Sindarin, but I don't know Sindarin. I may change it at some future date, but until then it's Quenya. Translation is not at the bottom because it's next to the Elvish._

Part 6

* * *

Legs and I sat by the river for a long time. He told me the very long history of elves and Middle-Earth, about Morgoth and Sauron and the Rings of Power. The sun had set long before he finished the story, and when he was done, I couldn't help but laugh.

Legolas wasn't amused by my behavior. "The plight of our world is a joke to you?" he asked angrily.

"No," I waved him off. "Not the plight...just the idiot causing the plight."

"I do not understand."

"Oh, come on, Legs...You're telling me that the biggest, baddest son of a bitch in your world sat around the house one day and thought to himself, 'Y'know, I ought to bind my life force to a piece of jewelry,' and not only does he do this, he gets it cut off by some stupid schmuck in a blind desperate stroke with a broken weapon. That's the funniest damn thing I've heard in a long time, buddy."

He thought a moment. "I've never heard Isildur described as stupid before, but I can see how your over-simplification might seem humorous." He gave me a grudging smile.

I smiled back. Maybe he wasn't inviting me to the family picnic, but he didn't hate me. I was happy with that. We headed back to camp together.

"A question, Todd," Legs said as we walked.

"What?"

"Why did you follow Frodo last night?"

I started at the mention of my sneaking around. "You saw me?"

He nodded. "Indeed I did. Elves do not sleep in the same manner as mortals. I saw you follow Frodo, and followed you myself."

"You did? I never saw you."

He smiled smugly. "Such is the way with Elves."

I shook my head at him. "Remind me never to become your enemy...But to answer your question, I just wanted to make sure Frodo was alright. I didn't see that he was following Queen Galadriel, and I wanted to keep him out of any trouble. Frankly, Legs, you and the Queen are the only elves I feel like I can trust. Celeborn hates me, Haldir despises me, and the rest around here think I'm a joke. I didn't know what could have happened to the little guy."

When we got back to camp, Gimli and the hobbits were asleep; Aragorn was sharpening his sword; and Boromir stared out into nothingness, lost in his own thoughts. Aragorn acknowledged us with a nod as we sat down on our blankets.

"We have been given word that we are to leave in the morn," he said.

I was a little deflated by the news, because I knew "we" didn't include me. It also meant that I'd be the only non-elf once they'd left...not a very encouraging thought to bed down with.

My mind wandered as I slept that night. I saw my parents and my cousin Carrie, who lived next door. They looked far away even though Mom and Carrie hugged me, and Dad shook my hand just like when I got on the bus to join the army. I saw my first drill instructor, the one with the weird facial tic every time he started yelling (which was a lot considering his job). He saluted me, then floated back into my subconscious. I saw many other faces that I'd known - more distant relatives, school friends, bunkmates. Every one of them gave me a goodbye in one form or another.

I didn't want them to leave. I reached out to them...to pull them back, but when I opened my eyes, my hand was empty, and the only thing I could see was the canopy far above me.

"Todd?"

I looked around. Legolas was kneeling next to me.

"Are you well, Todd? You cried out in your sleep," he said.

"I did?" I asked as I passed a hand over my face. I found tears on my cheeks and hastily scrubbed them off.

"Yes," he answered. "Were your dreams unwell?"

I tried to wave him off. "I'm fine. Just...just a weird dream." Though in my mind, I could hear a bad German accent, _You fear zhat you von't ever be able to go home, zo you dream everyone you love zays goodbye. Ja?_

Legolas handed me a plate of fruit. "Everyone else has already broken their fast."

I took it gratefully. I watched Sam pack a small kitchen into his knapsack. Everyone else seemed finished, or nearly finished, packing whatever gear they had. 

I was munching on some juicy green grapes when Haldir showed up and announced that the Lord and Lady of the Wood wanted to see them one last time. The look he gave me clearly said I wasn't invited to the party. I put the plate on the ground. Somehow, the thought of being left behind with Hal and Celeborn ruined my appetite.

They all grabbed their stuff and left the little clearing. All that was left of the camp were a few blankets and pillows, neatly folded and tucked away in the crux of two huge roots.

And me...I was still here...sitting on a blanket...with a plate of uneaten fruit. Screw this, I was going to tell my friends goodbye too.

I jumped up and straightened my tunic. Damn...still had dirt on it from cleaning my rifle. _Can't meet the Queen in this,_ I thought. I eyed my old army issue gear, did a quick calculation of how fast I could change clothes, and ended up putting on my old gear over my new elven clothes.

I set off in the direction they'd gone, back to the river. I saw them packing small boats with more stuff for their trip. Across the water, Galadriel and Celeborn watched them. More elves were on the knoll behind them, clearing away what was probably their breakfast.

I headed for Legolas, but before I could reach him, Haldir blocked my way.

"You will not join them on their quest," he commanded.

I glared at him. Dear God, how I hated him and his arrogance.

I gestured at myself and my severe lack of anything that might suggest I was going on a trip. "Does it look like I'm going on any quests today, Hal?" and shoved him out of my way. Probably not a smart move, but I didn't get an arrow in my back, so I didn't care.

Legolas and the rest had been summoned to Galadriel by the time I'd finished with Hal. By the time I'd reached the bank, they were on the opposite shore receiving gifts for their journey. When they'd each gotten something, they piled into their boats and slowly started downriver. 

Dammit...I wanted to say goodbye. My eyes narrowed as a thought came to me. I checked the ground at my feet and found a nice round rock. I whispered a quick "Don't fail me, little buddy" and skipped it across the water.

_Smack!_

Legolas looked down at the side of his boat, then back at me with raised eyebrows. He steered the boat to shore, and I rushed to meet him there. Gimli looked none too pleased with the interruption, grumbling about dwarves not being sailors, so could they get on with things, please.

Legolas reached out and clasped my hand. "_Nai hirlyë tielya_. May you find your path."

"May you come back from yours," I replied. I reached into my pocket and pulled out my old Swiss army knife. I flicked open a blade so he could see what it was. "I know it's not as nice as that new bow, but I thought this might be handy." I closed the blade and pressed the knife into his hand.

He studied the eagle etched into the silver handle. "'Tis a fine gift, Todd. Thank you."

I reached into my shirt pocket and handed him my lighter. "Give this to Sam."

He smiled. "I shall."

I helped him shove the boat off the bank. He quickly caught up with the others, and they were gone.


	7. Grasshopper

Brother's Keeper

****

Notes:_ The Elvish written here is in Quenya. By all rights, it should be Sindarin, but I don't know Sindarin. I may change it at some future date, but until then it's Quenya. Translation is at the bottom. The yoga terms are from Sanskrit, and (not being into yoga myself) the translations came from a website I found. So don't blame me if it's wrong._

Just to head off the barrage of "**Yoga!?! **Why the hell is Todd doing yoga?" type of questions: He's doing it because I felt he needed an outlet for all the stress he's under (other than imagining Haldir's head during target practice, that is). Plus, I wanted something he and Haldir could do together. It gives Haldir a stress outlet as well. They're taking a long trip, and I don't want them killing each other along the way. **Plus**, Yoga isn't too much of a leap from martial arts, so it's not totally bizarre.

Part 7

* * *

I watched Legolas paddling downstream until he rounded a corner and was out of site. Haldir was waiting for me when I got back to camp. He looked pissed, but I was too depressed to really care.

"Whaddya want?" I growled, hoping he would be quick about it.

He gave me a contemptuous look, and then pointed to a nearby tree. A bow and quiver were leaning against the trunk. I recognized them as Legolas's old gear.

"He wanted you to keep them in his stead," Haldir said. Somehow I got the impression that Hal didn't think I deserved them.

I picked up the quiver and traced the lines of gold filigree with my finger. "Thanks," I muttered as I sat down against the tree.

Haldir raised an eyebrow. "No retorts? No scathing words? No foul language?"

I rolled my eyes at him. "No, Hal. No retorts, scathing words, or foul language. I can be polite every once in a while, can't I?"

"Indeed." He turned and left me by myself.

In front of me was the plate of grapes I hadn't finished. I picked it up and began popping grapes into my mouth, even though I still wasn't hungry. I was almost finished when a group of elves showed up. I recognized some of them from yesterday's karate lessons.

"We are here for more lessons," a spokesman(elf?) said.

Seeing that I really didn't have anything better to do, I started the new ones throwing each other around and started the others with some punching and blocking techniques. By lunch, everyone had graduated to proper kicking postures, and large, thick pillows had been found to serve as punching/kicking bags.

"What will we practice after lunch?" the spokeself asked.

"Archery," I replied, stretching my sore limbs.

A voice rang behind me, "_We_ already know archery."

I turned to see Haldir leading a troupe of elves into the camp. The troupe set up a table and benches and set out lunch. Haldir just stared smugly at me.

"Well, I think it would be obvious from my performance yesterday, that _I don't_--" I stopped myself before I could call him "_orc-breath_." Legs and Aragorn weren't around to run damage control, and Haldir had a big-ass sword strapped to his hip. I wasn't taking chances at the moment.

However, Hal seemed to catch the unspoken insult. "Your politeness has waned, it seems."

"Piss off, Hal. You weren't invited." I snatched an apple from the table and bit into it viciously. A vivid picture of me ripping out Haldir's throat sprang to mind. 

Haldir frowned at me. "It is not your place to invite anyone anywhere here. This is not _your _realm," he said imperiously. He sat at the table (on the end, so his sword could dangle comfortably) and began eating, chatting with the other elves in their native tongue, and completely ignoring me.

I could only glare at the back of his head. I had gotten his message loud and clear: _This is my territory, and I can do anything, anywhere, anytime I damn well please. If you don't like it, tough shit._

Twice now in the same day, Haldir had managed to ruin my appetite, and for the second time I had to force myself to finish eating. I sat at the opposite end of the table where I couldn't see Haldir unless I leaned back far enough to fall off the bench. The elves next to me tried engaging me in conversation, but I ignored them in favor of stuffing my face as quickly as I could. They seemed to marvel at my rate of consumption.

"You will make yourself ill," one of them said.

I grabbed a pitcher of wine and took a few long gulps. I then turned to the elf who had expressed concern for me. "No, I won't. I'm used to eating this way." It was the truth. One of my old drill instructors, Sgt. Manning, would scream at us during meals, "Eat now! You'll taste it later!" We were expected to inhale food as fast as possible, so we could get to wherever we were supposed to be going next.

I hiccupped, and the world swirled for moment. I shook my head and put the pitcher down. Then again, we usually chugged water or soda in the cafeteria. 

After inhaling two full plates of food, some wine, and some water, I grabbed Legolas's old bow and quiver and set off for the archery range. My karate students seemed more than eager to teach me the weapon, but Hal still looked ready to burn the items rather than let me have them.

My students turned into my teachers as they gently corrected my posture and arm positions. By evening, I was actually hitting the target at the end of the range.

Unlike yesterday, Haldir wasn't shouting elvish insults. He stood silently to the side watching me like a hawk. It was a little disconcerting at first, but I just ignored him and listened to my teachers' advice. Eventually, I was hitting the bull's-eye. However most of the time, it was because I was picturing Hal's head in place of the target.

When night fell, I was very sore and tired from the day's activities. Everyone (except Hal) bade me goodnight and left me alone at camp to sleep. Hal followed me back and stood watching as I unrolled a blanket to sleep on. 

Finally sick of his silence, I turned to him. "Is there something you want?"

He raised an eyebrow, but didn't answer. Instead, he crossed to where I had set down Legolas's bow and picked it up. I took a step to grab it back, but without looking at me, he said, "There is more to archery than simply learning to shoot. You must take proper care of your bow." With that, he unstrung it, put it back where I had it, and left.

More restless dreams came to me that night. People were leaving, saying goodbye, and me wanting them to stay. Celeborn casually announcing that he had no use for a mortal in his kingdom, and Haldir happily shooting me in the face. The old man, Gandalf, briefly appeared with a wizened smile. "You will be ready," he said before slipping back into darkness.

I awoke to the sounds of breakfast being set. My students liked dining with me, it seemed. After breakfast, we did more karate, then lunch. We were on our way to the archery range, when another elf ran up to us. He seemed very excited and hurriedly tossed off a few words before running along the path, shouting "_Mithrandir! Mithrandir epélië_![1]"

I tried to ask what he said, but the others were talking excitedly amongst themselves with much laughing and hugging. Whatever the news was, it was good. I just wished someone would share it with me.

Still talking and laughing, they all scurried off into the trees and left me by myself. Feeling a little abandoned, I trudged on to the archery range to practice.

As evening fell, I noticed that there were no elves around. Not that there were very many around ground level normally, but they were quite distinctly missing now. Of course, I could hear exactly where they were...up in the treetops, laughing and singing merrily. With the absence of the sight of elves came the abundant sounds of their joyful voices lifted in song.

The happier they were, the more depressed I became. I was sitting in camp, feeling miserable because they seemed to have forgotten me entirely. They didn't even remember to bring my dinner. A mostly-empty pitcher of wine remained from lunch, and I still had a few M&Ms left, but that was it.

To add to my ill mood, Haldir decided to show up.

"Your presence is requested by the Lord and Lady of the Wood," he said as he dumped a new set of clothes at my feet.

These were the same as the other clothes they had given me, but in shades of royal blue this time, and more importantly, they were clean. I changed and followed Haldir back up into the trees. We spiraled up the staircases and paths that led back to the palacial house where Celeborn and Galadriel lived.

As I entered, a group of elves ushered a white figure up further into the house. Everyone was still in happy moods. Even Celeborn was smiling.

"Good evening, your majesties," I greeted them with a slight bow.

They both inclined their heads in response. "Indeed a _very _good evening, Todd Blackburn," Celeborn said. "Though, you may not find it quite so anymore."

My heart skipped a beat, and my mind flashed back to my dream last night of Celeborn ordering my execution. I glanced at Galadriel. She was smiling beatifically, and I calmed a little.

Celeborn continued. "It is decided that you, a mortal, have no place in an Elven kingdom."

My heart skipped two beats, then began racing. Celeborn motioned behind me, and Haldir stepped forward and bowed.

"Your best hopes for a fruitful future lie in a realm of Men. Haldir will lead you southward to the kingdom of Rohan, where you may be amongst your own kind."

I suppressed a shuddering sigh (as well as the obvious and stupid question "So you're not going to kill me?") from escaping my lips. I managed a nod and a mumbled thank you.

"But before you go," said Galadriel, "we must apologize for our lack of hospitality this evening. Joyous news has come to us, and though it is of little importance to you, it caused us to forget you momentarily. We do beg your forgiveness for our oversight."

I smiled at her. "Nothing to forgive, your majesty. I haven't died of starvation yet."

"Thank you," she replied with her own beautiful smile. "Will you accept an invitation to join us for a late supper?"

"Of course, your majesty," I immediately answered, but quickly looked over at Celeborn, "If I'm not intruding, that is..."

He inclined his head graciously. "Of course not."

We went deeper into the house and were served a lavish meal. Talk was moderate and quiet. I was too distracted by the pure beauty of the house and its views of the forest to really concentrate on conversation. Thankfully for my sense of modesty, it also distracted me enough so that I didn't stuff my face like a rabid wolf in front of my hosts.

After supper, I went back to my little spot between the tree roots and began some yoga. The previous few days of exercise had me very sore, and my worrying about the future and getting home had me very stressed. Yoga worked best for me to sooth both areas.

I was in a warrior pose when Haldir walked up. "What _are_ you doing?"

I glanced up at him. He had an expression of perplexity and amusement on his face. Rather than answer, I shifted into a forward bend and let myself melt into the pose. 

"You will not answer me?"

I shifted again into a twist posture. "It's called yoga. I like to think of it as physical meditation - the simultaneous relaxation and intensification of body and mind."

Haldir eyed me. "And this does not hurt?"

It was my turn to be amused. The twist posture put my arms and legs into a tangled mess. So I guess I did look a little strange. "Yoga only hurts if you do it wrong. This is called Ardha Matsyendrdsana - 'Twisted Half Fish Pose.'"

"And what does the other half look like?"

I laughed softly. "Like this..." I laid myself flat (leaving my hips, legs and head on the ground), arched my chest up, and put my hands behind my back. "Matsyasana - 'Fish Pose.'"

"That does not hurt your head?" He was almost incredulous now.

However, I was so relaxed I was almost asleep. "No...doesn't hurt. Strong head, strong neck, and the weight should be mostly on the shoulders anyway."

"Teach me."

I cracked an eye open to look at him. _Well, he looks serious,_ I thought. "Mmmm...not tonight. It's late, we're going to get an early start tomorrow, and I'm almost asleep anyway." I shifted into Savasana (Corpse Pose) and, putting words into action, fell asleep.

* * *

[1] Gandalf! Gandalf has returned!


	8. Are we there yet?

Brother's Keeper

**Notes:**_ For anyone wondering, no I have not forgotten about this story. It may well be one of the favorites I've ever worked on. (Though given that it's been about a year and a half since I've put up a new chapter, I don't think anyone would know this without me saying it.) I've been running into a lot of real-world circumstances (moving house, not being able to reconnect my computer until yesterday, my mother's heart attack and open heart surgery - just to name a few) that don't give a crap about my hobbies._

Plus, if I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times...I'm a slow writer. The plot's been giving me hell. I know the line that I want the story to follow, but when I sit at the keyboard, stuff hits the page that pulls it off the line, and I have to figure out how to force it back together. I think my best example of this would be Todd staying in Lothlorien when the Fellowship left. A lot of folks asked why did I seperate Todd from Legolas/the Fellowship. The answer was simply that there was no logical reason he should _have gone with the Fellowship. In my opinion, having Legolas go up to Todd and say "You look like me. Come! Join our quest!" would have been unbelievably cheesy. I hate that cheesy, cliched crap. I hate reading it, and I refuse to write it. However, one of the premises of the story is that Todd and Legs should be in a reasonably close geographic proximity. The solution: Send Todd to Helm's Deep. There's tons of logical reasons for Todd to head for Rohan instead of sitting on his butt in Lorien. So that's where the story is now. This chapter isn't very long, but the next should come a little quicker. Maybe just fourteen months instead of eighteen. :grin:_

Part 8

-------------------

I was rudely awoken by someone kicking my feet. I looked up groggily to see who it was.

"Ah, if it isn't my favorite elf in the whole wide world."

Haldir quirked an eyebrow at me. "We must get an early start for our journey."

"Yeah, yeah," I waved him off. After a good yawn and stretch, I gathered all of my things and changed back into my military uniform. I barely had enough time to splash some water on face when Haldir came back.

He eyed my uniform. "You are not going to keep the clothes we gifted you?"

I shrugged. "Didn't know they were gifts."

I packed away my elven clothes, and Haldir escorted me to breakfast with Galadriel and Celeborn. Talk was minimal; though, the silence was not unpleasant. After breakfast, Celeborn gave me a cloak, and Galadriel gave me a sword. They both wished Haldir and me a safe and swift journey, and we were off.

We went on foot, tramping our way south out of the forest. "Our journey is mostly southwards," Haldir explained. "In a few days' time, we will reach the edge of Fangorn forest. We will travel along the outer edges of Fangorn until we reach the Entwash. After that, we go directly south to Edoras, the capitol of Rohan. There you will meet Theoden, King of Rohan, and it is he who will then decide your fate."

"'Decide my fate?' Doesn't sound promising. What's Thayd'n like?"

"You may wish to pronounce his name _correctly _when you meet him. It is _The-o-den_. And to answer your question, I do not know. I have never met him."

"But Celeborn and Galadriel have...right?"

He shrugged. "Not to my knowledge."

I stopped. "Wait a minute...You're guiding me to a place you've never been, to possibly be governed for God knows how long, by a guy no one really knows? I have a little problem with that, Hal."

He stopped and turned to me angrily. "Hal_dir_...and your little problem is of little importance to me. It should suffice that the Lord and Lady of _my _lands do not want _you _in their kingdom. In their benevolent wisdom, they thought to send you to a place full of your own kind, which was not too great a distance to travel, and you could either live there for the rest of your days, or from there, strike out on your own. Whatever you choose, I shall happily leave you to your own devices once we can see the city of Edoras."

"Hell, you've told me the way. Why not just go home now and save the both of us a headache?" I yelled back.

"Because," he ground out, "I was ordered to see you safely to Edoras, and I obey my orders. As a soldier, I assumed you would understand that."

Haldir turned back around and quickened his pace. I had to jog to keep up with him.

We didn't talk for a long time. We had many angry glances but no sound other than my labored breathing.

"We can stop if you are tired..." Haldir offered.

It sounded more like a challenge to me. "No...not tired," I managed between breaths. I reached into a pocket for some water. "Besides...the less we stop...the sooner...we're...r-rid of each other."

"Agreed."

We didn't talk again until nightfall when Haldir called a halt for the day. I mustered every ounce of pride I had to not collapse in front of him. I put my pack on the ground, checked my weapons, and began stretching my legs.

"More of your _'yoga'_?"

"Yes."

"Teach me," he commanded.

I eyed him warily.

"You had said you would."

I rolled my eyes. I had said no such thing. "Fine," I sighed. "Just do what I do."

We went through several simple poses. As much as I hated to admit it, Hal was a natural for yoga. That, or elves were a pretty stretchy race. It only took him a few minutes to get a good breathing rhythm and copy my poses precisely. I kept the session short because I was exhausted and fell asleep as soon as I put my head down.

Morning came without anyone kicking me. In fact, it looked like Haldir let me sleep in a little while. I didn't complain about the late start. We had some water and a mouthful of some fancy elf bread and headed on our way.

The rest of our walk was slower than the first day. Out of some respect for me and my mortal lungs, or because he didn't feel like jogging the whole way, I'd never know. Our days fell into routine: wake up, eat bread, drink water, walk, sleep. On the morning of the fourth day, we spotted trees.

"That the forest?" I asked.

"Yes, Fangorn. It is a dangerous place. Do not venture in, and do not go near the trees."

"Why is it dangerous? What kinds of animals live there?"

"Birds and squirrels make their nests within, but it is no animal that presents danger. Fangorn is an old forest. The trees here have learned to speak and move. They have memories reaching back to when Elves first walked the paths of Middle-Earth. And of recent times, they have been reminded of murder and hatred and war."

I shook my head. "Man-eating trees..." I sighed. "This place just keeps getting better all the time."

Haldir quirked an eyebrow at me. "Indeed."

We traveled within sight of the forest. Haldir would stop every few minutes to gaze into the trees. It took us two more days to reach the Entwash.

"We will camp the rest of the day here," Haldir said.

"But it's barely noon...We could get a lot more ground covered if we kept going."

He shook his head. "Something bids that I stay. If it is not revealed to me by the morn, we will take our leave to Edoras."

I just shook my head and unshouldered my pack. "Whatever."

The rest of the day was memorable only for the fact it was the first time since leaving Lothlorien that I didn't drop to sleep in desperate exhaustion when Hal called a halt for the day. I got out my new sword and practiced for a while on some of the stuff Aragorn had taught me. Then Hal asked for another yoga session when dark came. When sleep came, it was easy and without strange dreams.

The morning, however, was very strange, and I was not entirely certain that I was awake.

A host of elves in gleaming golden armor were lined up in an unmistakable military formation. Each carried a bow, a quiver, and sword big enough to make mine look like a toothpick. A couple of the front elves were finishing helping Haldir into similar armor. I noted he didn't seem to have a helmet and wondered at the wisdom of gearing up for a fight without headgear.

Another elf noticed I was awake and pointed this out to Haldir and his helpers. Haldir simply nodded and waved them towards me. Another pair of elves came at me with another set of gold armor. When they were close enough for me to see into their helmets, I recognized some of my archery teachers/karate students. They smiled and offered me the armor.

"Hey," I greeted them with a perplexed smile. I motioned at the elven formation. "What's going on? What's happened?"

Their smiles faded. They looked at each other, then back at Haldir.

My stomach turned. I hadn't been a soldier long, but recognized that look. The little soldier does not dispense intel without getting approval from his superiors first. Whatever was happening was serious.

Haldir came over to us. "I suggest you let them help you dress."

"What's going on?" I demanded.

He stared at me grimly before answering.

"War has come to Rohan."


	9. Are we there YET ? !

Brother's Keeper

****

Notes:_ What the fuck! Two updates in two weeks? The world must be coming to an end...That, or it'll be an even two years before I update again. Hopefully not, though._

Also, I don't know much about modern body armor. So if I get it wrong, just call it creative license.

Also, I don't think Tolkien ever actually said how old they were, or in what order they born, but I'm reasonably sure Haldir, Orophin, and Rúmil are indeed siblings. If not, well they kinda work that way for my story, so...creative license.

Another also, whilst trying to create a timeline of events as laid out in Appendix B of Lord of the Rings _(with Todd's story added in it), I realized my story royally screws over the timing of certain events. Actually PJ did it first, so we'll call this a combination of movie timing and (you guessed it) creative license._

Part 9

* * *

Much of the morning was spent explaining to my friends exactly _why_ I didn't want their fancy gold armor. They kept insisting that I was completely vulnerable against the forces we were marching towards. I kept insisting that I did in fact have armor, I was wearing it right now, and it was ample protection from swords and arrows.

This debate did not end until I actually took off my vest and let them shoot it a few times. They seemed satisfied that I wouldn't be skewered anytime soon, but it was Haldir who put a stop to all of it saying, "Blackburn has his own armor. Whether it is more or less efficient than ours is less important than the fact that he is more comfortable and can move more easily in it. Bring the spare armor with us. It may be needed."

It was, quite possibly, the first time I was ever truly grateful to Haldir for his presence. However, I was more certain he intervened, not on my behalf, but to stop them from ruining more arrows on my armor. He probably also wanted to get moving again as quickly as possible.

It was a long and strenuous walk. Even worse than the day Haldir had the two of us speed-marching towards Fangorn. Food and water were taken on the run, and piss breaks were taken at the risk of being separated from the group. The stretcher they had used to carry Haldir's armor (and the extra set meant for me) was now a bed for me at night. Haldir wouldn't stop for anything, not even my nightly need for unconsciousness. Though, I kind of wished they had dumped the extra armor, as it made for a very uncomfortable pillow.

We traveled like this for another two weeks. As much as elves didn't seem to need sleep, every one of them looked ready to drop when Haldir (finally!) called a halt.

"We will rest here for a day," he said. "Tomorrow we reach Helm's Deep."

Maybe I was delirious from exhaustion, but it didn't occur to me that I shouldn't antagonize Ol' Hal. "You lost, Hal?" I asked, out of breath. "I though' we were goin' t' Ed'ras."

He speared me with a glare but managed to keep his voice even. "Edoras is the capital of Rohan. However, Theoden and his people have fled to Helm's Deep, their ancient stronghold." His eyes glittered. "You will accompany Rúmil and Orophin on scouting duty, Blackburn. Perhaps you will at last see why my people worry for you."

I was ready to start calling him very horrible things when two elves approached me. I recognized them.

"Hey, guys...How's it goin'?"

They inclined their heads and smiled. "We are well," Rúmil said.

We went off away from the main group. Once out of earshot of them, I asked one of my greatest burning questions. "Is Hal always that much of an ass?"

The two exchanged amused looks.

"Yes," Rúmil replied.

"Most definitely," said Orophin.

I raised my eyebrows. "Really? How'd he get to be a general?"

Orophin shrugged. "He is eldest."

I looked at him, expecting something more. "That's it? He's older? Fuck, my granddad's older than time, but he's nuttier than a whacked out squirrel. No way anyone would let _him_ lead anything."

He shrugged again. "Our ways are not your ways, Todd. Haldir is the eldest son in a long and privileged family line, and he _is_ a great warrior."

"Moreover," added Rúmil with a smile, "he is not a general. _He _is March Warden of the Golden Wood."

I rolled my eyes. They were teasing me now. "Whatever. He'll always be General Jackass to me, and his little brothers have my deepest sympathies."

They both stifled laughter. "Thank you."

I paused, then looked at them. "You guys?"

They nodded. "Haldir is my elder by two centuries," said Orophin. "Rúmil is younger than I by one."

"Fuck," I muttered. "Well...you've got my deepest sympathies."

They smiled, and we continued on our way. We went without more conversation because, well, a scouting party should remain undetected, and laughing about how much you all mutually dislike the commanding officer does not help this endeavor. This was a very good idea, because a few miles away from the elf regiment, we spotted what looked like a long black river inching its way forward. On slightly closer inspection, it turned out to be throngs of nasty looking bastards marching in generally the same direction we were headed.

The elves ushered me away back to the regiment silently. I kept trying to ask why we were going, saying that we should get a closer look at the weapons and armor they were using, that valuable intel can be the difference between winning and losing a fight. They hushed me each time and just urged me to move faster.

We got back out of breath. Haldir came forward and demanded something in elvish. Orophin replied with one word, "Uruk-hai."

Haldir ordered us back to marching at a very fast pace. After nightfall, I spied a few lights in the distance. I hoped to hell that it was our destination, because I was about to drop from exhaustion. As we got closer, I could make out a tall stone wall that spanned from one cliffside to another and a huge tower built into the side of the mountain.

As we neared the front gates, Orophin took out an ornate horn and blew a clear ringing note to the fortress. After a moment, the gates opened, and we entered.


	10. Bully for you!

Brother's Keeper

**Notes:** _I finally get write at work again::does happy dance: Well, only at breaks and lunch, but it's more than never. Besides, my muse seems to want to concentrate on fiction when I'm supposed to be concentrating on real-life, pays-the-bills _work. _So chapters should come a little faster than before. I've already started on Part 11!_

_Reminder: I don't know anything about the real person that was/is Todd Blackburn, (for this story, he's just a character from a movie) so I don't actually know his full name. But Thomas sounds good, doesn't it?_

Part 10

* * *

We filed in through the arched doors. The elves marched in perfect formation. I was so exhausted I struggled to keep in step with them. We went down a wide corridor that swung up towards the castle-like tower. On either side, scatterings of local soldiers made way for us with beaming grins on their faces.

Of course, "soldiers" was a strong term for the bedraggled bunch that we passed. A lot were very old. Even more were very young. Every last one of them was hunched down and looked like they had never worn armor or held a weapon in their entire lives.

We stopped in front of the stairs to the tower. An older man in nicer armor stood there. Aragorn was with him, and upon spotting Haldir, gave him a bear hug and welcomed him heartily. Haldir bowed to the older man and made some speech about elves and men fighting together in the past, and how they were honored to join forces with men again.

Legolas was there too. He came and clapped me on the shoulder in greeting. I wish he hadn't, 'cause I fell to one knee when he did.

"Todd! I am sorry!" he said with a frown of concern. He looked at me intently and then gave me a wry smile. "I should have known such a trip would tire you. Come." He grabbed me by the arm, hoisted me up, and dragged me over to a barrel. I sat, and he took my pack from me.

"Thanks," I muttered before passing out against the cold stone wall.

I awoke to gentle prodding. I opened my eyes reluctantly. I was still tired, but better after my nap. Legolas stood next to me…he looked grim.

"You need to come, Todd. All are gathered at their positions. Aragorn wants you with us at the wall...if you will..."

He left the question unsaid: _Do you want to be on the castle where it's safe, or on the wall where it's not?_

I shrugged. I was a soldier after all. Soldiers go where they're told, which is usually where they're most effective in the fight. I followed Legolas to the wall where Aragorn and Gimli were already lined up with the elves.

Aragorn nodded at me as I approached. Gimli gruffed at me, "Well, at least _some_ of us get to rest." I smiled tightly, but he continued, "I don't suppose you have any more tricks left that could take care of this...er, little problem of ours?"

I noticed the hopeful note in his voice. "'Little' problem?" I looked out to the horizon where the valley floor was slowly filling with thousands of torch lights. "Exactly how many are we facing here?"

"Ten thousand strong, at the least," Aragorn answered.

"Fuck...How many on our side?"

There was an almost inaudible sigh. "Less than five hundred…including the Lorien regiment."

I goggled at him. "Say that again...I thought you just said 'less than five hundred.'"

"That is what I said."

"Fuck!" I repeated. "That's what...twenty to one odds? With a conscripted army of old men and little kids? _Fuck_!"

"We are _well aware_ of the odds against us, lad," Gimli said tersely. "No need to be remindin' us...not at this point, at any rate."

"If you would rather be tucked away with the women and children, no one would blame you."

I searched a ways off to my right for the all-too-familiar voice of Haldir. He smirked at me condescendingly.

His brothers looked over his shoulder with apologetic faces, but it was too late. I had had more than enough of him and his crap.

"Just what the fuck crawled up your ass and died, Hal?"

Every elf goggled at me, then at Haldir to see his reaction.

"I beg your pardon?" he said.

"You heard me."

"My hearing is not in question. What do you mean by it?"

I rolled my eyes. "Fine, I'll use _smaller_ words this time. Why do you always insult me? What the hell did I ever do to you?"

Aragorn laid a hand on my shoulder. "Perhaps this should wait--"

I shrugged him off. "For what? For them-" I motioned to the valley "-to wipe the floor with our asses? It's not gonna do any good to wait until _after_ we've been massacred to ask him why he's a stupid fuckshit."

Haldir glared daggers through me. "_I_ am the March Warden of Lothlorien. How dare you speak to me--"

"And _I_," I yelled cutting him off, "am Private Fucking First Class Todd Thomas Blackburn, Army Ranger of the United States of America! And if you think I'm gonna put up with your bullshit anymore, you are sadly fucking mistaken!"

My fist connected with his jaw. He went down hard, looking shocked that someone had actually hit him.

"Todd!" Aragorn yelled. I ignored him.

Haldir stood glaring at me and rubbed his jaw. "To answer your question, Todd." I winced at him using my name with familiarity. "I treated you as I have because of reasons you would not understand."

"A bullshit answer if I ever heard one...How the fuck do you know what I would or wouldn't understand?"

Hal didn't answer, just gave his jaw one final caress, and then turned back to his space in the lines.

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. "I don't get you, Hal. You were almost decent on the trip here. What changed? You may not have been showering me with affection, but at least you didn't go out of your way to--"

I stopped. My eyes narrowed as a thought occurred to me. "That's it, isn't it? That's why you do it, isn't it?" I laughed at him humorlessly.

He didn't answer, didn't even turn around.

"What?" asked Rúmil. "What do you mean, Todd? What is 'it'?"

I speared Hal with my eyes. "He's a show-off, that's what's 'it.' He only insults me when there's an audience around to enjoy him. 'March Warden,' my ass!" I spat on the ground. "You are a bully, Haldir of Lothlorien. A plain-as-dirt common fucking _bully_."

He still didn't acknowledge me, but his ears tinged pink. His brothers regarded him with a mixture of concern and thoughtfulness.

I turned back to my own place in line, satisfied that I had finally hit on the answer to my question.


	11. Debates, Checks, and Buttocks

Brother's Keeper

**Notes:** _Yes, I know. I take forever to get the story moving along. Hell, Todd spent five chapters sitting on his butt in Lorien, but hey! Two chapters in two days - so don't complain._

Part 11

* * *

The torches came inevitably closer, filling the valley from cliff-face to cliff-face like slow trickling flood.

I pushed any thoughts of Haldir out of my mind. I was done with the bastard...finally, satisfyingly _done_. I was in Rohan with its people (my own kind), and if we survived this, Hal was going home, and I would likely be starting a new life...far, far away from him.

_Of course,_ I thought as I watched the approaching enemy, _it's more likely that neither of us is going to be breathing tomorrow._

I shook the thought out of my head. _No negatives, soldier, _I commanded myself. _They're the ones going down._

_Hah!_ I argued back. _"Twenty to one odds with a conscripted army." Sound familiar?_

_Shut up._

_You've only got four more mags for your rifle, three for the .9ml, and a handful of grenades._

_I've got a bow, arrows, and a sword too, _I shot back.

_Yeah,_ I sneered. _A bow you _barely _know how to use and not enough arrows even if you did._

_Well I _do _fucking know how to use a sword, I can go hand to hand, and I'm probably wearing the most advanced body armor this world has ever seen, so SHUT THE FUCK UP!_

Somewhere in the middle of my debate, it started raining hard. _Peachy...I'll survive the battle and die of pneumonia._

_Shut up._

I looked around at my compatriots. The kids and old folks were high on the castle battlements...out of the way of the heavy fighting. The old man in nice armor (King Theoden, I've been told) was up there as well with his lieutenants. A few real soldiers were dispersed throughout the conscripts, so they'd have a better clue what to do when the fighting started. The elves were either lined up alongside me on the wall or lined in a formation behind the wall, bows at the ready.

The conscripts looked scared shitless. Anyone with any battle experience just looked grim as they prepared for what lay ahead.

The march of torches was agonizingly slow. Yet, the valley filled with surprising swiftness. Far too soon, the amorphous bundle of torchlights, became an army of...just what the hell were those things anyway?

Orophin had called them _Uruk-hai_. They looked a lot like orcs, but...way nastier...and bigger, much bigger...and worst of all, they looked organized.

As they came closer, I could start recognizing divisions among them: blocks of spear-soldiers, sword-soldiers, ladder carriers, crossbow ranks...is that a catapult? Shit.

My breath quickened as the adrenaline started through my system. I started checking my weapons for the umpteenth time since I got in line.

Guns still have bullets: check.

Extra mags for both in easy reach: check.

Sword in sheath: check.

Sword slides easily out of sheath: check.

Bow and quiver on back: check.

Arrows in quiver: check.

Knife in boot: check.

Boots still laced: check.

Boots laces knotted tightly: check.

Spilled arrows when checked boots: check.

"Fuck," I muttered and began picking up arrows. Legolas smiled down at me and helped me put them back in the quiver. "How do you keep them from falling out?" I asked him.

"By keeping my shoulders above my buttocks."

I looked at him, wondering if that was meant as instruction or teasing. His smile twitched, and mirth danced in his blue eyes. Gimli outright laughed at me.

I smiled back. "Go fuck yourselves," I muttered before laughing with him. I felt a little better after the joke.

I stood back up and looked out over the wall.

They were here.

* * *

_I will get to the actual battle in the next chapter, promise._


	12. We Will Rock Helm's Shallow!

Brother's Keeper

**Notes:** _I have pictures to go with the story - Yay me! Both are listed on my bio page. I only made the first one. The second was made by Megolas Greenleaf. I just saw that pic one day and thought, "Damn…that's **my** Haldir!"_

_Oh, and if you don't get the "slo-mo" reference, re-read Chapter 1_

Part 12

* * *

_Fuck, they're even uglier up close._

That was my only thought when the Uruk-hai stopped in front of the wall. As one, they began pounding their spears into the ground and beating their chests. A solid rhythmic thumping wave washed over us.

Soldiers clenched their jaws. The conscripts looked ready to piss themselves.

My lips twitched in a smile as I mentally began singing "We Will Rock You" along with the beat the Uruks laid down.

My lips twitched again with a memory. "Hey, Legs...How intelligent are Uruk-hai?"

"Cleverer than mere orcs, I would wager. Why?"

I shrugged. "Saw a movie once...theater," I corrected at his frown. "'Blazing Saddles.' Total farce, but funny as hell. For some reason it just flashed in my head, and I wondered if Uruk-hai were dumb enough to fall for the old 'This is Helm's _Shallow_ - Helm's _Deep_ is that way' trick."

He laughed lightly. "No, my friend, I don't think they are so foolish as that."

"A great pity it will not be so simple for us," said Aragorn. His smile was dark, but his eyes were lit with laughter.

He walked along the elven ranks and began shouting instructions in elvish. Legolas translated for me: "Show them no mercy, for you shall receive none."

Meanwhile, the Uruks were getting frenzied in their beat. It didn't bother me too much because I could see it for what it was: blatant terrorization and psychological warfare. Personally, I was willing to let them stand there bashing their own brains out making noise.

Conscripts, on the other hand, weren't as observant or patient as I. Someone on the castle let loose an arrow. We watched as it sailed down and hit some random Uruk-hai in the neck. While Aragorn and Theoden shouted for everyone to hold back, I wondered who the hell had the bright idea of giving the conscripts ranged weapons.

The Uruks had silenced when their cohort fell, but they started again immediately. Only this time, the pounding wasn't the least bit rhythmic. They beat their shields and rattled their spears, screaming and howling their rage at us. An Uruk commander shouted, and the front line charged forward with their ladders.

On Aragorn's command, arrows shot over my head and rained down on the Uruk-hai. Several dropped. They retaliated with crossbows, and several elves around me collapsed.

A ladder came up right in front of me. Sitting on top of it was a barely clothed berserker Uruk, covered in bright red blood. My first bullet went through its skull, and he toppled backwards.

My second bullet went through the Uruk commander. He went down, and another took his place.

Somewhere to my left, another ladder with another berserker was pushed up. I turned to shoot him too, but missed. I cursed, but thankfully, Gimli had better luck with his axe.

After dispatching the Uruk, he cheerfully rounded on us shouting, "Ahah! Two already!" He held up two fingers to punctuate his count.

I held up two and shouted back, "Me too!"

Legolas smiled cheekily. "I'm on seventeen!" Then he dashed off to elevate his count.

Gimli sputtered indignantly. "I'll not have some pointy ear outdoing _me_!" Then he likewise turned to do more damage.

I shook my head at both of them and returned to the fight. I had started out with my rifle, but the Uruks were advancing too fast for me to keep up. Too soon, it became too close-quartered, and I switched to my .9ml in one hand and sword in the other.

I went that way for hours. I mostly stayed with the sword, since I didn't want to run out of ammo too quickly, but my .9ml was close at hand for emergencies. My bow was relegated to "Weapon of Last Resort" since I was by far the worst with it.

Legolas and Gimli kept shouting out their current count each time they made a new kill. I lost track of my own count at about twenty five, then decided I was better off concentrating on the battle. The decision came when an Uruk swung his cleaver of a sword into my stomach.

I fell into the floor, clutching my stomach, and fully expecting to see my entrails flowing out. Thankfully, my very modern armor took the blow, and instead of being cut in half, the effect was that of being struck with a baseball bat. Only a marginally better option, considering the batter was very much like a gorilla on steroids, but at least I was still in one piece.

My attacker raised his cleaver for a skull-splitting blow. My choices were to either roll off of the wall and down the stairs to the ground far below, or let him split my skull open. I opted for a tumble down the stairs, my guts protesting from their earlier mistreatment.

I landed in the water at the base of the wall. My attacker landed next to me with an arrow lodged between his eyes. I looked up and saw Orophin wave at me briefly before engaging yet another Uruk-hai.

I was crawling out of the water when movement caught my eyes.

The water from the mountain trickled through the courtyard and out of the wall via a gated drain at the base. Uruk-hai were loading huge spiked metal balls into the drain.

My first thought was that they were trying to dam up the water, but I couldn't see what that would accomplish. Even if they managed it, it would take forever for the water to fill up the courtyard.

My second thought was, _Gee, they kinda remind me of giant grenades_.

"Fuck!" I screamed and scrambled as fast as I could up the stairs. "Aragorn! Legolas! Get them off the wall! They have bombs! GET OFF THE FUCKING WALL!"

I started grabbing and pushing whoever I came across away from the drain area of the wall. All the while, I kept screaming about bombs and getting off the wall. I don't recall ever telling my friends exactly what the word "bomb" meant, but they seemed to take the hint. Elves scrabbled left and right to get away.

Aragorn spotted the berserker with a bright torch making a run for the drain. The Uruk-hai around him cleared a path and cheered him on. Aragorn cried out for his death. Legolas and I both started shooting.

Legolas managed to hit him twice. He shuddered under the impact of the arrows, but kept coming.

I shot and missed more times than I would like to admit, until I remembered my rifle had an "automatic" setting. Cursing myself an idiot, I quickly switched to auto and blasted him. He fell, but the momentum of his body and the torch flying from his limp hand made up for his death.

My brain did that speed-up-so-everything-looks-slow-motion thing again. I watched as the blazing white torch made a graceful dive straight into the drain. The bombs ignited in a red flash. The wall blew out and up and all over the place.

And I realized I was still standing too close to the blast area. It didn't really hurt. In fact I thought it was kinda cool - felt like flying. I suppose technically I _was_ flying...through the air and heading towards the ground in that same slo-mo way as before.

I wondered absentmindedly if I would get to feel the impact this time.

* * *


	13. Haldir Lives ! ! !

Brother's Keeper

Part 13

* * *

I hit the ground hard, the world stopped for a moment, and then I realized that I had blacked out. When I came to, I had a massive headache, and my entire left side felt like mush.

When I looked up, everything was back at normal speed...which included lots of Uruk-hai rushing in through the brand new hole in our best defense (aka, the wall). I got up, my whole body screaming in pain, and went to confront the attackers.

Aragorn was already there, fighting like a madman. I didn't understand why he would be there fighting alone until he reached down into the water and pulled out a very waterlogged Gimli. After Gimli was safe from imminent drowning, the elven archers drew their swords and rushed into the fray.

I hacked and slashed my way through the throngs. Then I witnessed the weirdest course of action I had ever seen in my life: Legolas threw down on Uruk shield, jumped on top of it, and slid down the stairs, firing arrows the whole way down. When he reached the bottom, he jumped off, allowing the shield to near-decapitate an attacker, and then started slashing with his knives.

He stopped near me and helped me back to the stairs. "Are you well, Todd?"

"Fucking show off," I muttered as he took me by the arm. My left side had gone from mush to stinging pain where I had impacted the ground, and I was a little shaky on my feet.

Theoden yelled into the yard, "Aragorn! Get your men out of there!"

Aragorn obediently started shouting the order to retreat. Gimli ignored him and the elf that has trying to pull him back from the fight. Legolas started for him, but held back when he realized he couldn't drag Gimli away and help me at the same time.

"Go." I gave him a shove. "I'll be right behind you."

He nodded reluctantly, squeezed my shoulder, and was off. Gimli protested quite loudly ("What are you doing? What are we _stopping _for?") as Legolas and the other elf grabbed him under the arms and hauled him off. I ran as fast as I could, trying to ignore my body's objections to its further mistreatment.

Haldir was still fighting and shouting retreat orders to his soldiers. Rúmil grabbed me and helped me stumble up to the keep.

Without warning, he whipped around, dragging my abused body with him.

"What the--" I began, but stopped when I looked up at Rúmil. The blood had drained from his face, and his eyes were wide with fear. I looked to see what he was staring at...

Haldir was clutching his side. Bright blood oozed between his fingers. An Uruk-hai stood behind him with cleaver raised to cut him in half.

Without even thinking, I raised my .9ml and fired three quick shots into the Uruk. "Go!" I shouted at Rúmil and shoved him towards his brother.

The Uruk was slowly falling backwards when Rúmil knocked him over the wall and clutched Haldir. I was already making my way into the keep when Rúmil grabbed me again. With me leaning on one side of Rúmil and Haldir on the other, the three of us limped into the keep.

Men were at the main gates below us trying to secure beams over a hole in the doors. Legolas was trying to haul something on a rope over the battlements. I was about to leave Rúmil and help Legs when the heads of Aragorn and Gimli popped over the side. Once the two were safely on their feet, Legolas took me from Rúmil, and everyone ran for cover.

A loud crunch told me the beams on the gates had failed and the whole place was being overrun with Uruk-hai. We locked ourselves in a deep part of the castle. The wounded were set down to rest. Any able-bodied person was grabbing beams, barrels, and furniture to reinforce the doors that were already being hammered down from the outside.

I found myself sitting next to a sickly-looking Haldir. He was still clutching his side, which was still bleeding. I had no idea how to remove his armor, so I looked and found Orophin trying to help with the doors, despite the nasty gash in his left arm.

"Oro," I called to him. "Lend me a hand here?"

He came over, and we began taking Haldir's chest armor off. He didn't protest as the constricting material was removed and a cloth pressed into the wound. I leaned my weight into it, and Haldir hissed with pain.

He shot me look that plainly said, _Are you sure this is necessary?_ However, he didn't say anything since the obvious answer was, _Yes, unless you plan on bleeding to death._

I waved Orophin back to the doors. "I got him, man. Go."

He smiled in gratitude. Then as he turned back to the doors, I heard him mutter, "I am not a Man."

"Fine...you're an ass-ugly woman. Now, go help."

Orophin didn't look sure if he was supposed to be amused or insulted.

Haldir just laughed at him. "I shall have to remember that when we return to Lothlorien."

I smiled tightly, but ignored him.

"You could have let me die," Haldir continued.

I didn't respond.

"You would have been rid of me much the sooner."

I sighed. "Please shut up before I change my mind. Besides, you may be a stupid fuckshit, but we're still on the same team. If commanders waited for all their soldiers to get along like best buddies, no one would ever have much of an army to command, would they?"

He gave me a searching look, then nodded as if coming to some conclusion about me. "Perhaps they would not."

The cloth on his side had soaked through with blood. "Shit," I muttered and looked around for another. I spotted one across the room. I whistled at a guard. I didn't know his name, but recognized him as one of Theoden's lieutenants. I gestured at the rag near him, and he brought it over. Then he went back to staring expectantly at his king. I pressed the new cloth over Haldir's side.

"The fortress is taken..." said King Theoden. I looked up at him and saw utter defeat in his face. "It is over."

The finality in his voice disturbed me. I shook my head to argue, but Aragorn beat me to it.

"You said this fortress would never fall while your men defend it. They _still _defend it. They _have died _defending it!"

Theoden seemed unmoved by Aragorn's vehemence.

"Is there no other way for the women and children to get out of the caves?" he continued. Theoden ignored him, so he turned to the lieutenant. "Is there no other way?"

The lieutenant paused a moment, waiting for Theoden to answer, but eventually answered himself, "There is one other passage...It leads into the mountains...but they will not get far. The Uruk-hai are too many."

A particularly nasty blow to the doors punctuated his statement.

Aragorn ordered him into the caves to get the women and children through the mountain passage.

"No," I said. "I'll go."

"Todd," he said. "You are injured."

"Who the fuck isn't?" He raised his eyebrows at me. "Besides, _he_ doesn't need to lean on the wall to stay upright. He's better off for a fight than I am."

Aragorn nodded. "Very well, Todd. The caves are through that hall. Seek for Eowyn; she will lead her people."

I turned back to Haldir. The bleeding had stopped, and he looked paler than usual. Despite this, he had a fierce gleam in his eye. I propped him up against the wall where he had a direct line of sight to the doors. I gave him my .9ml and the one last mag for it. After a brief tutorial on its use, I left him and the others to find the caves.

* * *


	14. Why me?

Brother's Keeper

**Notes:** _If updates become a little more sporadic, it's because I am starting to turn my attention towards an upcoming convention. (_The Gathering of the Fellowship _in Toronto, for the curious.) Yes, I know it's eight months away, but costumes take time, and I've got at least three planned to make before I go up to the great white north. And as costuming is my first love, writing takes the back burner. On the plus side, chapters still shouldn't take the previous usual of a year or more to arrive._

_Oh, and the first person to spot the Jack Sparrow reference gets chocalate chip cyber-cookies. Yay!_

Part 14

* * *

_Why me?_ was my only thought as I lay bleeding on the floor.

I had left the battle to help get the women and children out of the caves. I made my way (as quickly as possible considering I still had to lean on the walls to stay upright) through the hall Aragorn had indicated. At first the walls were smooth and straight, carved out of the mountainside. Soon they roughened and rippled into a nature-made cave tunnel.

I rounded a corner, and _crack!_ A flash of flesh and metal connected with my face, and I fell to the ground nursing a newly broken nose. Then I felt the cold metal of a blade touching my throat.

So there I was...sitting on the floor, bleeding painfully, with a sword to my neck, and looking up at one pissed-off lady.

_Why me?_ my thoughts repeated.

The sword pressed into my skin and drew a bead of blood. I hissed and glared at the pissed lady.

"Who are you?" she demanded.

I sat up, pushing the blade away. She backed up but didn't lower the weapon.

"What the fuck did you do that for?" I groused trying to wipe the blood from my face without touching my nose.

"I know not your raiment nor your allegiances. Now speak! Who are you?"

"You could've just asked," I said still feeling unnecessarily abused.

She narrowed her eyes at me.

I shook my head and stood up leaning on the wall. "My name is Todd. I'm looking for Eowyn. I have a message from Aragorn."

She straightened and lowered the point of her sword just slightly. "I am she."

"Great," I mumbled. I experimentally let go of the wall and tried standing on my own. "Aragorn wants us to get everyone out of the caves and into the mountain passage." I wavered a bit but was able to keep my balance.

"The battle goes ill." Her statement was quiet. I saw many emotions flash through her eyes, though the one that caught my attention was her disappointment.

_Curiouser and curiouser,_ I thought. I unshouldered my rifle and turned back to the hallway. "You have to lead them out. I've got your six."

She blinked. "You have my what?"

I sighed. "Stupid medieval..." My muttering trailed off. "Doesn't anyone know slang when they hear it?" I asked no one in particular. "Your six - Your back - I'm the last one out - I stay behind and fight off any uglies that make it down that hall. Now get those people moving before the uglies get here and make this conversation pointless."

She opened her mouth as if to argue with me, but quickly shut it in favor of giving me a death glare and stalking off into the caves. I could hear her voice ordering people around and the frightened voices of the people she was ordering, followed by the sound of many people shuffling around and moving away.

Satisfied that my orders were being followed, I focused my ears on the doors where I had entered. I heard horses and yelling...mostly men, but some were unmistakably the animal-like Uruks. My concentration so focused on trying to tell who was winning, I didn't notice Eowyn's return until she stood beside me with sword at the ready.

"What the hell are you doing? I told you to get those people moving!"

She nodded. "And moving, they are. Morwen knows the passage, as do many others. You can barely stand. You need help if there is battle here."

I would have argued, but my leg chose that moment to shoot pain at me. I leaned against the wall again. I looked her over trying to assess her. She certainly looked fit, and she held her sword with a confident grip. "You actually any good with that thing? Or do just sucker punch people with it?"

She narrowed her eyes at me. "I am a Shield Maiden of Rohan...as good as any man in open, honorable combat." Her tone brooked no argument.

I assessed myself and decided I could _really_ use some backup. "Good…Stay behind me. I'll take the first ones. If they actually get within arms-length of us, I'm gonna need a good sword arm with me." I grinned at her. "Think you can handle that, princess?"

She lifted her chin in defiance.

I took it as a yes. "Good." I slapped her on the shoulder, then turned my back on her to face the doors. "No problems then."

We waited what felt like forever. I decided that standing was probably a bad idea at the moment. I went down on one knee (my good one) and checked my rifle.

Eowyn looked at me curiously. "What manner of a weapon is that?"

I sighed and shook my head. "Just think of it as a really weird-looking bow and arrow."

"Where are your arrows?"

"In here." I took out the magazine and inspected its contents. I cursed.

"What is wrong?"

"I've only got about a dozen bullets - er, arrows left. It's too close-quartered to use grenades. And fuck all if I'll be any good with my sword anytime soon."

"Then, as you say, I will get your six." She gave me a cautious smile.

I tried to return it, but the Uruks decided that it was a good time to charge into the hallway. I noticed they didn't come in great masses, but sporadic bursts, and they looked pretty beat up when they got here. I took it as a sign that our side was still fighting the good fight out there.

I aimed carefully as I shot the charging Uruks. The long hallway was a bonus in that regard: it took a while for anyone to get from one end to the other. The first few dropped, creating obstacles for the others to climb over, and giving me more aiming time.

Unfortunately, a dozen bullets disappear pretty quickly. "I'm out," I told Eowyn.

Having been idle so far, she jumped at the chance for a fight - literally. She vaulted past me with a vicious war cry and cut down the last Uruk-hai in its group. Three more made an entrance, and she ran to them swinging her blade.

"Fuck! Eowyn, get the fuck back here!"

She was at the entrance to the hallway. "You cannot fight, Todd!" she yelled without turning away from the door.

"I can _barely_ fight," I corrected her. "What I _can't_ do is run over there and help you if you get swarmed. Now get back here!"

She dispatched her last Uruk and ran back to me. No one was attacking down the hall, so she helped me to my feet.

I wanted to fucking slap her. "What the hell did you think you were doing?"

She lifted her chin. "I was defending my people."

I swore again. "You going off half-cocked like that isn't 'defending your people.' It's getting yourself killed."

Her eyes hardened. "You think I should not fight because of my gender."

I began knocking my head against the wall. "God, why me?" I groaned to the ceiling. I gave my head one last knock and turned to her. "I don't give a rat's ass if you have the extra flesh on your chest or between your legs. I _do_ care that whoever taught you to use a sword didn't teach you shit about strategy--"

I would have continued, but more Uruks rushed into the hall, and one had a crossbow. I saw it aiming for Eowyn. I shouldered her behind me. The bolt hit my chest armor. I fell, winded but otherwise fine from the attack.

Eowyn screamed - partly fright, mostly war cry - and rushed the Uruks. Her scream was echoed by a gruff call behind the Uruks. Gimli had joined the battle. The two quickly finished them off.

I was struggling to sit up from where I had fallen. I ripped the bolt out of my armor. "Fuck!"

"Don' worry, laddie. That was the last o' them in the keep. The rest are outside, and-" He smiled at Eowyn. "-yer brother's just arrived, m'lady."

She smiled with joy and relief. "Eomer..." she whispered.

"'Kay, I give. Who's your brother?" I asked her.

"My brother leads a regiment of two thousand horsed soldiers. We have won the day."

She looked so happy that I half-expected her to start clapping and squealing with delight. Instead, she had the most dazzling smile, and I had to admit she was actually quite beautiful when she wasn't beating the living crap out of things.

Eowyn ran back into the caves to tell everyone the good news. Gimli helped me back out to the keep and set me down beside Haldir.

He eyed my face, then handed me my pistol. "It is empty," he announced.

I took it back, made sure he was right, and holstered it. "So's this one." I put my rifle on the floor between us.

He grunted noncommittally.

"How's your side?"

He kept his arm stiffly pressed against a cloth covering the wound. "It will heal...as will your nose in that awkward position if you do not tend to it soon." A ghost of a smile flashed in his eyes.

"I can see to that if ye like, lad," Gimli offered.

I sighed. It wasn't going to hurt any less later. I nodded at him and stuffed the shoulder strap of my rifle into my mouth. Gimli roughly grabbed my nose and yanked hard. My eyes watered, and I fought the urge to scream.

"There you are," he beamed. "Good as new!" He slapped my shoulder and went outside to help with the last of the Uruk-hai.

I spat out the strap and called to him. He turned to me.

"Who won the counting contest?"

He smiled. "The Elf and I have yet to compare numbers. What was your count, Master Todd?"

I shrugged. "Lost my count when I went airborne. If I had to guess, I'd say forty would be a generous number."

He nodded. "An honorable sum, even if you managed slightly less, lad. I have forty_-three _myself." He puffed up with pride. "I can't wait to hear how many the Elf got!" He turned and fairly ran out the doors.

Haldir shook his head. "Dwarves are a strange folk."

I snorted. "We have a saying where I'm from: the pot accused the kettle of being black."

He raised an eyebrow at me. "Indeed."

* * *


	15. Orc Tanks and Bowling Balls

Brother's Keeper  
Part 15

_**Disclaimer:** The plotbunny is mine. Mine, I say! BACK! Get your own!!! Everthing else is owned by...not me._

* * *

_I hate horses. I didn't before today, never really thought about them before, but I hate horses...now and forever._

The object of my ire bucked lightly, and my thoughts were obscured by hot pain.

"Stop digging in your heels, Master Todd," commanded Eomer. Eomer didn't seem to like babysitting me on his horse.

I sure as hell didn't like going for a ride when I should have been back at Helm's Deep with the other wounded. Yet, here I was...sitting behind a guy wearing ridiculous amounts of metal, clutching on for dear life lest I should fall off, and really hating the damn horse who preferred trotting, bouncing, and bucking to a simple walk.

"Your horse needs to stop trying to throw me off, then I'll stop _needing_ to dig in my heels."

He sighed angrily. "Why are you here, Master Todd? Should you not have remained at the Keep, or been taken to Edoras for healing?"

I snorted. "Good question...Ask the dead guy." I moved my head vaguely in the direction of Gandalf.

The last time I had seen the old man, he was a dingy grey speck falling to his death with a living bonfire for company. Yesterday morning he shows up with Eomer, the cavalry, and newly washed robes.

"Is that Gandalf's brother?" I had asked Haldir at the time, more than a little confused.

He had smiled. "That _is_ Gandalf, my friend. Even a balrog could not so easily kill one of the Istari."

"One of the who?"

"The Istari... 'Wizards' in the common tongue, though it is an overly simple term for their true nature."

I had left it at that because I was fairly certain a full explanation would fry my brain. Legs had mentioned Istari before. They had something to do with Valar/Maiar/Manwë /Manwich. Ah hell, it all sounded alike to me. My "simple" explanation for Gandalf: he's an immortal wizard with a lot of bleach stashed somewhere.

Back in the present, Eomer and his horse _still_ didn't like me. "Was he truly dead?"

"How the hell should I know?" I griped. "Last I saw, he was falling down a bottomless pit, and now he's Mr. ShinySparkles with the cavalry in tow and making _me _ride with _you_ for God-only-knows-what reason to an _orc tank_!"

I could practically _hear_ Eomer rolling his eyes. "Orthanc," he corrected. "The Tower of Orthanc."

"Whatever," I mumbled, thinking about my injuries. My knee had been twisted in the fall, and the rest of my body was one giant bruise. I wasn't a medic, but long trips on horseback couldn't be good. "Are we there yet?"

I knew I sounded like a whiny brat, but I was injured, tired, and cranky. No reason I should suffer alone.

"How fare you, Todd?" Legolas rode up with Gimli clutching to his back like a life preserver.

I glared at him. "Peachy."

"Worry not, friend Todd. Gandalf will have good reason for you coming with us."

I grunted. "Well, if he doesn't, we'll find out how skillfully he can wield that staff after it's been shoved up his ass."

"Todd!" Legs was incensed at my threat. "Gandalf is worthy of great respect, and he would not have you in pain needlessly. I assure you, if you should try such an act upon him, I will be the first to stop you."

"I assure you, Legs, if I'm actually _well enough _to try such an act upon him, I've probably gotten over this foul mood and don't _want_ to try it anymore." The horse bucked lightly again. "GODDAMMIT!!! Let me off! I'll walk the rest of the way!"

"_Can_ you walk, Master Todd?" asked Eomer.

"I don't care...walk, limp, crawl, _whatever_. At least I won't be blaming your horse, _will I?_"

He raised an eyebrow, and he and Legolas helped me down. Gimli also took his chance for escape and got off of Legolas's horse.

"Be wary of the trees, Master Todd," Gimli said. "They've a mind of their own, and 'tisn't friendly to the likes of us."

"Man-eating trees...right, got it," I said as I sat on a large root. I patted it like a faithful old hound. "Good tree...niiiiiiiiiice tree."

We had been traveling through this forest since we left the fort. I didn't remember it being there when I arrived, but then I'd been on Haldir's death march, and I didn't remember much except being exhausted. Eomer had said that these trees had attacked and killed the last of the Uruks as they retreated. I smiled, _So technically, they're Uruk-eating trees._

I shook my head. _Damn, I'm getting punchy now._

"I would not rest there, Master Todd," said Aragorn. He eyed the tree warily. "We must press on."

"Nope." I leaned back and tried getting comfortable on the tree.

"'Nope'?"

"That's right, nope."

"And what is 'nope'?"

I laughed quietly. "It means that 'we' must do absolutely nothing, because 'we' should have been left behind instead of being dragged off to some old tower that 'we' don't give a shit about in the first place and 'we' are just a little fed up with being told where to go and what to do so 'we' are staying right here for a little recuperation and 'we' can be picked up on the way back to Edoras , _thank you!" _I snuggled against the tree and closed my eyes to nap.

"Master Blackburn."

_Oh, crap._

I opened one eye. The end of Gandalf's staff was directly in front of it.

"You will accompany us to Orthanc even if I must mount you atop my staff and carry you as my personal banner. Should you prefer to ride on horseback, I will be most understanding."

Every word was calm and precise, and I knew that as much as my earlier threat was flippant, this threat was absolutely sincere. I looked at Legolas. His smirk said it all, _Told you so._

"It's alright, lad." Gimli patted my uninjured knee. "What say ye to a trade?"

"Trade?"

"Aye." He hooked a thumb at Legolas. "You ride with the pointy; I'll ride with the Man."

I sighed. "Deal."

After a bit of help, both Gimli and I were with our new riding partners. Gimli didn't look any better off with Eomer, but I felt better with Legolas. He wasn't wearing armor, so I didn't have to worry about getting pinched or poked by metal plates. The arrows were a bit of a pain, but the horse knew how to walk without jarring me. Overall, the remainder of the trip was...well, it was still unpleasant, but not as unpleasant as it could have been.

When we did arrive, I was once again ready to bail and let them pick me up on the way back. Then I heard a cheery voice:

"Welcome, my lords! To Isengard!"

I looked up and Merry and Pippin were sitting on a ruined wall, smoking their pipes and stuffing their faces.

Gimli sputtered indignantly. "You young rascals! A merry hunt ye've led us on, and now we find you feasting and - and smoking!"

Pippin only grinned around his sandwich. "We are sitting on a field of victory, enjoying a few well-earned comforts."

Gimli glowered.

"The salted pork is particularly good," Pippin continued.

Gimli perked up hopefully. "Salted pork?"

Legs and I shook our heads, bemused at the exchange. Aragorn offered a chuckle. Gandalf simply muttered "hobbits".

Merry piped in, "We're under orders from Treebeard, who's taken over management of Isengard."

I laughed. "Orders to do what exactly?"

The two perked up at me, and their smiles widened.

"Mister Todd!" shouted Merry. "'Tis fine to see you again."

"Aye, that it is," agreed Pippin. "And so much easier to tell you from your brother now."

They both laughed. Legs and I looked at each other. He glanced at my chin and arched an eyebrow. I ran my hand over my face and realized I hadn't had a shave since I left Lothlórien over two weeks ago.

I shrugged. "What can I say? I'm a Ranger, not an elf."

They beamed and laughed...until I asked the question.

"Are Frodo, Sam, and Boromir out patrolling the perimeter?"

I had thought it to be a simple joke, but all merriment suddenly stopped. A tension rose in the air as people exchanged glances.

Gandalf turned around to address me. "My apologies, Master Todd. We forget that you have not traveled with us." He bowed his head in remorse. "Frodo and Sam have struck out on their own. They remain part of the quest, but it takes them on a path we cannot follow. Boromir...has fallen. He died protecting our two small friends here from a band of Uruk-hai."

"Oh..." I looked at Gandalf hopefully. "Will he come back too?"

He smiled at me sorrowfully. "Todd, there is no coming back for Boromir...but weep not, for his death was not in vain."

I nodded understanding. He had saved Merry and Pippin. It was a hero's death.

The hobbits climbed on horseback with Aragorn and a Rohan soldier, and we continued to the black tower ahead of us. The horses trudged through murky water that had bits of machinery poking through the surface.

I closed my eyes against the pain as Legolas's horse danced around something-or-other sticking out of the water. When the horse seemed settled, I sighed and drooped my forehead onto Legs's quiver.

"HROOOM! Young Master Gandalf, I'm glad you've come!"

My eyes shot open at the booming voice directly in front of us. Standing in front of us, wading in the water, was a large tree. It had eyes, a face, a beard of twiggy vines, and was currently conversing with Gandalf. Despite the sheer volume of the tree's voice, I barely heard it as I glanced around and saw other trees milling about in the water or on the far edges of the wall.

"_Man-eating trees_?" I squeaked fearfully in Legolas's ear.

He chuckled. "Nay, Todd. These are not trees at all. They are Tree Shepherds - Ents."

I wasn't totally convinced...It fucking _looked_ like a walking talking tree...but Aragorn intruded into my thoughts when he shouted up at the tower.

"Show yourself!"

"Be careful," Gandalf admonished. "Even in defeat, Saruman is dangerous."

"Then let's just have his head and be done with it," Gimli gruffed.

"No, we need him alive," said Gandalf, scrutinizing the tower's pinnacle. "We need him to talk."

I was still quietly freaking about the trees, so when I felt a tickle near my ear, I nearly jumped off of the horse.

"Todd?" Legolas queried.

I figured it was just a bug, and tried to force myself to relax. I shook my head at Legs and tried to give him a reassuring grin. "Just jumpy," I whispered.

"You have fought many wars and slain many men, Theoden-king, and made peace afterwards."

The voice that said those words was impossibly loud, especially since they seemed to have been said from atop the tower. I looked up and strained to see a white figure standing there. As loud as he was, he spoke as though he was standing next to us rather than shouting from a mile above us.

My ear tickled again.

"Can we not take counsel together as we once did, my old friend?" he asked plaintively. "Can we not have peace, you and I?"

"We shall have peace..." Theoden said softly. He looked up, and anger burned in his eyes. "We shall have peace when you answer for the burning of the Westfold and the children that lie dead there! We shall have peace when the lives of the soldiers whose bodies were hewn even as they lay dead against the gates of the Hornburg... are avenged! When you hang from a gibbet for the sport of your own crows... we shall have peace!"

The tickle in my ear became an itch. I reached up to scratch it, and shook my head to combat a sudden dizziness.

The voice on the tower, once pleading and almost sad, came back to Theoden with coarse hatred. "Gibbets and crows?! Dotard!"

The voice shifted to open mockery next. "What do you want Gandalf Grahame? Let me guess... the key of Orthanc? Or perhaps the keys of Barad Dûr itself? Along with the crowns of the seven Kings and the rods of the Five Wizards!"

Gandalf didn't rise to the bait. He replied calmly, "Your treachery has already cost many lives. Thousands more are now at risk." He became hopeful. "But you could save them, Saruman. You were deep in the Enemy's counsel."

"So you have come here for information...I have some for you." Saruman held up a bowling ball.

The itch in my ear suddenly stopped when I saw the bowling ball. I couldn't help chuckling a bit.

"Something festers in the heart of Middle Earth. Something that you have failed to see," Saruman said haughtily. "But the Great Eye has seen it! Even now he presses his advantage. His attack will come soon."

I snickered in Legolas ear. "What? He knows the secret to knocking down a 7-10 split?"

Legolas frowned in confusion.

"It's a freakin' _bowling_ _ball_, Legs. What's he gonna do...arrange us in a triangular pattern and try to knock us all down on the first try?"

"I don't know what you think that is, Todd, but it is not a game."

Saruman called down to us, "You are all going to die!"

"Of laughter," I whispered. "People actually think this nutcase is a threat?"

"But you know that, don't you, Gandalf?" Saruman continued. "You cannot think that this _Ranger_ will ever sit upon the throne of Gondor. This exile, crept from the shadows, will never be crowned king."

Aragorn set his jaw, but kept his mouth shut. In hindsight, I wish I had done the same, but Aragorn was my friend, and that shitsack had not only insulted him, but also insulted the Rangers. True, they weren't Army Rangers, but a knee-jerk reaction had me shouting up to Saruman:

"RANGERS LEAD THE WAY, YOU GUTLESS ASS-STAIN!"

Saruman focused on me. The itch came back with a vengeance, and it felt like my skull was resonating with the sound of his voice. "And who is this? Some foreign excuse for a soldier?"

My vision blurred as I felt a pang in my chest. _I may be foreign, but I'm a damn good soldier...So what if I'm a rookie...I fell out of a chopper, just fucking FELL!...I'm as green as it gets...What the fuck?..._

"Why defend that uncouth pretender?" he challenged. "After all, is it not _his_ intervention that pulled you into this war? You should be making your way home, not meddling in the affairs of others."

"Yeah..." I said numbly. "...home..." _He's right. I wouldn't be fighting here if it weren't for Aragorn and his pals...not much of a soldier to begin with...none of my business anyway, right?...I need to get home...I'm gonna be in such deep shit for being AWOL...home..._

"TODD!"

My skull stopped vibrating, my vision cleared, and Legolas was looking down at me from his horse. Wait...what?...looking down?

I looked down too, and somewhere during Saruman's speech, I had slid off of the horse and was currently knee-deep in the water. Legolas had a deathgrip around my bicep.

"Uh...what?"

"Do not listen to him, Todd," Legolas hissed at me. "His very voice will cast you under his spell. He would send you to your death!"

Saruman buzzed in my ear again, "You are nothing to these people. They would sacrifice you at the first opportunity. If I judge by your injuries, they have already tried."

"No...Legs wouldn't..." I had no idea confusion could be physically painful, and it hurt like a bitch. I clutched my head. "Shut up! Just _shut up!!_ Get out of my fucking head! LEGOLAS!"

Legolas stood in the water next to me. He forced me to look at him, and started talking. I guess it was elvish language 'cause I didn't understand a word of it, but it was smooth and lyrical and drowned out the buzzing in my skull.

Saruman was undaunted by the interruption. "Gandalf does not hesitate to sacrifice those who are closest to him...those he professes to love. Tell me, what words of comfort did you give the Halfling before you sent him to his doom? The path that you have set him on can only lead to death."

Gimli was as sick of him as I was. "I've heard enough! Shoot him! Stick an arrow in his gob!"

I pulled my pistol and fired. Only then did I remember I was out of bullets. The gun clicked harmlessly in my hand. "Shit!" I hissed.

Legolas reached for an arrow, but Gandalf gave us warning looks. "No! Come down, Saruman, and your life will be spared."

Saruman sneered at the offer. "Save your pity and your mercy! I have no use for it!"

A ball of fire shot down from the tower and engulfed Gandalf. He and his horse were barely a shadow inside the writhing flames.

But just as suddenly as it had happened, the fire snuffed itself out, and Gandalf and the horse didn't have so much as a smudge of soot to show for it.

"Saruman," Gandalf said gravely. "Your staff is broken!" The staff in Saruman's hand shattered and burned, the ashes of it floating away in the wind.

I was more concerned with sudden empty feeling in my head, and a strange longing for the buzzing to come back. One hand clutching Legolas, the other the horse's mane, I suddenly felt absolutely lonely, and wanted nothing else but to hear Saruman's voice again.

"All is well, Todd," Legolas soothed. "'Tis the aftereffects of his spell. You will feel yourself in a moment."

I nodded. His presence eased the lonely ache.

I turned back to the group when I heard Theoden shouting up again. Some miserable fellow was skulking behind Saruman.

"Grima! Come down...be free of him," Theoden urged.

Grima bowed to Theoden and moved away from Saruman.

"Free?" Saruman mocked. "He will never be free!"

Grima gave an anguished cry as Saruman slapped him to the ground.

"Saruman!" Gandalf pressed. "You were deep in the enemy's counsel. Tell us what you know!"

"You withdraw your guard, and I will tell you where your doom will be decided. I will not be held prisoner here!"

In a blur, Grima came up, stabbing Saruman in the back. He fell, whirling like an acrobat, before falling onto a giant wheel. The impact shifted the wheel and it turned, burying Saruman in the filthy water.

I laughed humorlessly, "Go, Grimy."

Legolas only gave me a quizzical glance. Pippin dashed into the water to pick up Saruman's bowling ball.

"Peregrin Took," Gandalf caught his attention. "I'll take that, my lad."

Pippin paused a moment.

"Quickly now!"

Pippin handed over the ball, and Gandalf wrapped it in his cloak.

The talking tree came forward. "The filth of Saruman is washing away. Trees will come back to live here. Young trees. Wild trees..."

The tree went on a bit. Gandalf, Aragorn, Eomer, and Theoden were talking battle strategy.

I was the first to spot our visitor. "That was quick," I muttered, looking up at the top of the tower then down where Grima was standing at the entrance.

The others followed my gaze. Theoden rode up to the tower's steps. "Have you a horse, Grima?"

Grima stepped out of the entrance, glancing nervously at everyone. "N-Nay, your majesty. It was drowned."

"Pity," Eomer growled at him. "Then 'twould seem you have a long walk ahead of you." He turned his horse sharply, nearly unseating Gimli, and started off.

Grima gave a decent kicked-puppy impression and simply nodded. He began to trudge through the water in his heavy robes.

Legolas helped me remount his horse, then hopped on in front of me. Something made me think it would be unwise to point out that Gandalf didn't have anyone riding with him. For Grima's sake, we walked the horses slowly, but it was still rough on him.

"Yo, Grims," I called to him.

He looked up at me questioning but wary.

"It'd probably be easier if you lost the embroidery."

Outrage flashed in his eyes for the barest of moments, then he simply seemed resigned as he took off the heavy layers of cloth, letting them drop into the water. In nothing but a tunic and breeches, he trudged towards Theoden.

Eomer eyed him closely.

Not daring to look the king in the face, Grima took a pendant from around his neck and offered it to Theoden.

Theoden nodded civilly and pocketed the proffered jewelry.

Grima slunk away from him again, avoiding Eomer's hostile gaze.

Something also made me think there was a story to be told about those two, but I didn't wonder too much about it...Legolas's horse decided to dance again, and I tried to bite back the groan of pain.

_I hate horses._

* * *

_**Notes:** BK lives!!! Seriously, it's been a year and a half since the last chapter. I shall blame plotbunnies, crackbunnies, work, cats, and my own laziness. That aside, I think it took so long mostly because I hated writing this chapter. It was going fairly well until they got to Orthanc, then...bleh. I wasn't writing my story anymore. I was writing around the existing script. Hate it, hate it, HATE IT! At least I got the story to where I wanted. Next chapter, kegger at Edoras!...eventually._

_Given my current interest levels in certain fandoms, I'll say that if you're itching for more Todd & Co, you're in for another long wait. Other plotbunnies are running rampant in my head._

_**Here there be ranting:** Reviews are always appreciated. I treasure each and every one, be they signed or anonymous, from the review button or an email server. They are as precious as Silmarils and often get me revved to write more, be it for this story or another one. However, a "review" consisting of a one-word demand is not a review at all. That's someone who thinks I write to cater to him/her, or to garner that most precious feedback. FYI, I don't. I write because it's what I want to write. My knee-jerk reaction to seeing that was "Well, sucks to be you." It's my stubborn nature. If you ask me nicely, I'll bend over backwards to please. Demand the tiniest thing, and the best you can hope for is a glare in your general direction. Sorry...but I think there's a great deal of difference between "Please update" and just "Update". Amazing how one word makes a change in perception, ain't it?_

_Or maybe it's the PMS...meh._


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